An explanation.

I feel like I need to explain, to myself, just why this christmas is different from the last, aside from age and the fact that I have a girlfriend.

I have nothing to do right now. For the past four years, every christmas eve I would literally stay up all night playing one game and just not sleeping. Something I was hoping to do again this year. Last year it was, I think, a combination of WoW and COD:WAW. The 3 years before that, most likely WoW. Possibly even the year before those, not sure.

Anyways, this year I have nothing to play. No game to extend my reach to the masses, no chat to dwelve into, nothing. And I hate it. What I hate even more is how great of a time I had today. Which sounds fucked up, I know. This is how my day went.

I woke up, talked to my mom, got ready, wrapped gift and left. We got to chels's house and exchanged gifts while her two little cousins (I think?) got their gifts and just had fun. Gifts were exchanged between their family and then we went to church. After church we just sort of lounged around and then went to a member of her family's house where assorted cousins, uncles and grandparents were (grand parent?) where we talked, ate, talked some more and gifts were once again exchanged. And then I got to play DJ hero. But aside from that, I did not touch a console. Which is weird for me, because this is how my christmas eve usually goes.

Wake up, get on game until the next day, only stopping to help my mom cook or to talk to brother when they arrived and have them join in on the game playing. Other then that, I pretty much don't do anything. And for me to this year go out and actually do what seems like normal families do is alien to me. Whats worse, I enjoyed myself. I had a good time, no, a GREAT time.

The only down side is I now no longer have her by my side. And with that, I have no game to play. Nothing to keep me awake through the dead of night so that the taunt of knowing I have to wake up at 7 or 8, and not too later so that I miss presents and not too early so that I can't wake them up and not have to go back to sleep, thats not there. I can just play and play and play and when I feel like looking at the clock and seeing, oh hey I have a few hours left, lets do a BG to kill the time, or I can do a raid and leave halfway through if I want. Or even not noticing until my mom wakes up to cook. I don't have that. I have to go back to sleeping and hope I don't sleep too late. Or if I can even fall asleep at all.