..... hello?

I want to say I feel bad for not having blogged in so long, but I don't. As it stands, the only one whos asked me why I dont blogg is kyle, but thats cause he'll find any reason to bitch.

No, the real reason I haven't blogged is because, I just really havent had time. When school let out and I started waking up early, I found that my days were ENDLESS! Wake up, play WoW, hang out with friends, come home play games, go get food, then sleep. But around the time I A) got a job and B) started going out with chels, my days have been not so endless. At that point it was wake up, go see chelsea, go to work, sleep. Don't get me wrong, this was awesome and I enjoyed every minute of it (minus the work part), but because of it I barely saw any of my friends. I havent seen Lisa in forever, and i'm sure John thinks I'm dead or something, that jizabell fuck.

Last night, me and chelsea tried out webcam. It was cool, and I was pretty happy to see her face again, but the distinct lack of hugs made it feel..... I don't know. It wasnt the same. Next week, if all goes well, I make the drive up to Dallas to see her and spend the weekend with her. The getting there part I'm fine with, even the going over there part is ok to me. But it's the coming back. I never pay attention when I'm coming BACK from somewhere, and while I know how to get to Dallas just fine, I'm not sure how to get back. Also, I know the pain and heartache of having to go back will make the drive even harder. Which I'm not looking forward to.

I havent felt much like a 'gamer' lately. I'm starting to feel more and more like a person that just really likes video games, and that is something that is a huge bother to me. Everything I play it's because my friends play it. So, I'm not actually choosing what I play. I just choose it because I know I'll get to hang out with friends more or be less left out. Oh well

While I haven't actually wrote anything in awhile, thanks to the complete and utter boredom I get at work, I have wrote new stories, but once again, nothing has gone from pen to paper, which is discouraging. Alot of what I've done lately is discouraging. I feel like it's now or never in my life. I either do something now, get stuff done, or forever be stuck with a job I don't like in a place I hate. I'm hoping for a hurricane to come, because then it's an excuse to move somewhere else and start at a new school. It also gives me an excuse to not live at home. A hurricane right now would be a blessing, strangely enough. At this point, I don't care too much about anything I have. I just need my car and some gas in it, and I'll be set.

My parents aren't talking to each other again. I'm really afraid I'm going to come home one day and one of them just wont. But maybe it's for the better. If neither of them are happy in their relationship, maybe it should end. I don't know. Me and chelsea never argued. That's semi a lie. We would argue about whats better, cupcakes or just cake. We argued about who got to drive, though that eventually just led to me driving because I like driving. We argued over what kind of cat we would get, and eventually settled on "fluffy". We also argued on whether or not she was going to pay for me for food, because I really hate it when she does that, but one hug or a kiss on the cheek always ended the argument, as I was rendered helpless with hearts flying all around me.

See a trend here? I've never been mad at her for anything, never felt like I didn't want to be with her anymore, never been emberassed by her. I'm almost sorry that most of this blog ended up being about her, but considering that for the last 2 months she has been pretty much what I wake up to go do, I don't care. If this blog really is supposed to be about my life, then I'm surprised two whole entries weren't already about her. I know its mushy and shit, but fuck..... I really miss her.

Let's try and change the subject.

This is actually kind of difficult.....

Still trying.....

School. I haven't given it much thought. I still have a bit to do and not much time to do it in. That's bad. Secretly, I'm really worried I might not go this semester. But to be 100% totally honest, I'm not worried that I wont get to go. I'm worried that I wont get to go and then I have to hear my parents bitch about it. Now don't get me wrong, I do want to go and start this long ass process of going to various classes and puzzling them together to prove that I'm somehow cut out for some job. I wish even more that it wouldn't take 4+ years to finally be making the kind of money that I deserve. And believe me, I do deserve that money.

I'm probably going to quit krogers soon. I don't enjoy working there at all. My favorite part is, ironically, the part everyone else seems to hate. But its because I don't have to deal with people. One of my (5) managers seems to think otherwise, because he wont let me have headphones in. I hate him. Hes fat. His name is Mr Garcia. The other one is Mr Jim. He essentially reminds me of my ROTC instructor from junior year. I hated that guy, and I hate this guy. The other one is Ms Judy. Shes cool. Sort of. She just follows the rules, but not tongue and cheek like those other two. But shes nice. Shes probably the only reason I still have a job right now. The other two managers I don't know the names of, and don't plan on making a point to do so.

Oh right, back to the me quitting krogers. As nice as Ms Judy is, I wish she had let me get fired. I'm applying for Office Depot, something I think will be a more pleasent experience, if only for the fact that less people go there then krogers. But I don't know if they'll hire me, simply for the fact that I haven't worked at kroger that long, and if kroger gives me a bad name (which they will) my chances of getting that job decrease significantly.

I really enjoy MVC2. But I'm not good at it. I'm stuck at that level of being better then people who just started or play casually, but not good enough to beat people who are actually good. I'm barely over that line in SF4, but every now and then even that proves false.

I've just learned something humorous to me. My brother has been set up on a blind date at Starbucks. Lets go through a few things, huh?

Today i've come to the realization that my brother is more immature then me. And I wholeheartedly blame WoW for that. WoW seems to lagg behind the internet in funniness by 3 years, because he's saying things that I typed back in the day. This is a problem.

Next realization. Who the fuck goes on a date at starbucks. If she chose the place, I'm sorry to say my brother may not do so well. I know the kinds of people that go to starbucks, and they aren't my brother's type. Needless to say, this will be interesting.

Final realization. After 21, how do you tell a girl you live with your parents? It was pretty easy for me to tell my gf I live with my parents, cause, you know, she still lived with hers. But him? I'm not sure what will be better, if she lives with her parents, or if she lives by herself. Either way.....

Ugh. I've done alot of typing. And since everyone else did their art of kyle, heres mine.

Locking my doors.

Gotta make this quick, work in 30min.

So, I get to Target with one goal in mind. Get pizza. I buy said pizza, and as I'm walking out the door, I drop my keys. I have 2 pizzas in my hand and a cup, so its a bitch to pick up. A short girl, looks 16, notices I'm having trouble and asks if I need help. I saw her earlier, she was outside when I was walking in. Meaning, she was coming in and leaving as fast as I would. And she didn't buy anything.

I make my thank yous and start walking away, when she asks me if she can ask me a question. Which is already a question, but what ever. She asks me my age, and is surprised when I say 18. I try to keep it at that when she asks if she can say one more thing. She says shes out of town and want to know where she can go to do stuffs. I tell her, kemah, galveston or go deeper into webster. Conversation over, I'm leaving

NOPE, she wants to know IF I CAN GIVE HER A RIDE! I tell her sorry, I have work and she asks where I work. I say Kroger, she asks where that is. I give her a very very vague direction, and she asks if she can go with me. I'm scared now.

I say sorry, I have to go home first and that my mom would not be pleased if I brought a stranger and she says "Oh.... ok.... Sorry for the questions."

I walk away as fast as I can with out it be noticeable, and lock my doors as fast as I can. And now I'm home, scared to get dressed for fear shes right outside looking at me....

Sausage Bisctuits!

Today, I woke up to find an annoyance. My mother took the power cords to the modem and router.

Well FUCK!

I know why she did it. Because I didn't clean my room. What am I, five? What's funny is, I did clean my room. Just not to her standards. I'm convinced that, she doesn't want me to clean my room, what she really wants is for me to get a 1,000 dollars, then buy new furniture and decorations and make my room nice and purdy. She just doesn't realize it. So I've stopped attempting to clean my room for her. If I see theirs food or trash, I'll throw it away. But if my clothes are on the ground, they'll get up when it comes time to wash. The cords will go away when I need to use them and the hangars will hang when my clothes get washed.

Anyways, the reason I'm able to talk right now is A) Skipping the rest of the story that is my day and B) My brother was looking for a power plug to fit the Modem and router, and found one for the modem. But not the router. Which means I have internet, he doesn't. HILLARIOUS!

ok wait, I have to stop what I'm saying to say this. Something disgusting just happened to me. I had food in my mouth and was going to wash it down with some good ol' lemonade, when the food fell into the straw and came right back up. The feeling was.... disgusting.

OK THEN, so after I saw no internets, I decided to.... stay in bed. Then I saw my DS. With Harvest moon in it. There goes any and all productivity for the day.

So, I stayed in bed from 1:00-4:00 playing Harvest Moon and texting Chelsea. For the record, I now have a chicken (that almost died) a baby chicken, 4 rows of potatoes that already ripened and got sold, 2 rows of cucumbers that have ripened twice each, going on third, and I'm about to buy a cow.

I hate myself.

After chelsea said we might be able to do something, I decided to get up. Mainly for the fact that, my brother had my car and I enjoy that car. So I get up, go switch cars, only to find out I have 2 hours till I can see her. No big deal. Just going to play Street Figh- OH RIGHT, NO INTERNET. Oh well. We'll make due. So, I got some new colors today.

I head on over there and meet her cousins once more, who are nice folk. But not folk, cause they're people. I think. I'm going to stop this before it gets out of hand.

We watched 2 and a half movies. I say a half because, Knowing fucked up halfway through. There was a huge chip on the disk. The other two movies were Push (which was actually really good, but apparently I was the only one who had enough inference power to know what was going on) and Ghost something or other. I don't know, it was a comedy and had a british guy. It was pretty good. But once again, I was the only one who knew what was going on.

After that I came home, to learn of my brother's mini adventure. Then I got food. Now I'm typing. I feel like typing more, so here's some things that have been on my mind.

I really want chinese food. I don't care if its bad or good, I just WANT it. NOM NOM NOM.

I'm really happy right now, where I'm at. But that frightens me. Every time I finally get happy, finally get set and in a good position, life comes and fucks it all up. I feel like when I wake up, something is going to come along and ruin everything, like it does every time. But every other time, theirs always been something that could do that. And while their is something that can do it this time, I don't see it happening. But theirs still that..... doubt. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or stupid. I just don't want this feeling to end....

All the cool kids are doing it.

Taylor talked about how he blogged today, and I felt guilty. Like, I should blogg more. Or at all. So, here we go.

Today, I woke up with what was the worst pain I have ever felt in my stomach. So, I did what any normal person would do if their stomach hurt. I went to take a poop.

That didnt work.

Ok, so from that point I just sort of lied there, in the most akward position imaginable for the pure and simple reason that, my stomach didn't hurt when I lied like that. I did this for a good 4 hours. Eventually, I manned up enough to go get some tums (or off brand tums) and decided I wanted to go play WoW. So, I did. With the pain there, but slowly getting better as I farted and burped all the pain away. Then I got hungry, and decided to eat the left over pizza.

Bad idea. The pain came back as strong as ever. Copy paste what I did the first time around, but lessen the time, and thats what happened. I finally decided "Fuck this" and went to my brothers room to play L4D. I did that for a good hour, and when I was done, realized the pain was gone. It was also 4:00, which meant I had TAG in 2 hours, and no car. So, I drove my mom's truck to give him that so I could have my car (and by god, do I hate my mother's truck) and arrived. The meeting was on par with all the others, but I feel like we all are drifting apart, and TAG is the only real thing keeping me in touch with Lisa. Taylor I atleast hang out with every now and then. But I haven't seen Jason in awhile. I dont know, maybe its just me.

Last week was one of the best weeks I've had in awhile. TAG was awesome, monday I got real close to an old friend (Her name's Chelsea by the way)and thursday we ended up together, which was unexpected and awesome at the same time. Friday I saw Transformers 2 with her. Wednsday I went in for my interview (and got the job) and then went to see Chelsea at work. Thursday I spent the entire day playing WoW, something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I know theirs more, but just so much happened, I don't remember it all. Heck, I'm not even 100% sure that the days I've listed correspond properly with what actually happened. I don't remember if I hung out with taylor/kris/john last week, or the week before. Was it last week we stayed up and played Starcraft? I think so.....

Tomorrow I have to go to bed at the times normal people do, so I can drive to Pearland at 9AM in the morning and do my orientation. The lady wants me to do it down there because I'm one of the few new employees that wont be working at one of those stores, so I get to make the long drive. Poop.

Well, I'm gonna go to Whataburger now, as it's past 11:00, and they're serving breakfast. Mmmmmmm Sausage Biscuits.....

Lets try this.

The airplane's hum heard in the background, they just sat there, staring at each other. The other people didn't even notice them, probably because they couldn't even hear or see them. They were in between this world and the next. And if need be, they would spring into action.

"Ok, so explain to me again, who are you, and what do you do?"

The other sighed "I'm a soul reaper, we guide the dead to the other world. Anytime theirs a possible risk for people to die, we're there. So every flight, every car, every thing that has a danger, we're ready. Most houses have atleast two of us."

"This sounds like Bleach"
"It's not Bleach. You've fought demons before, and you know they're nothing like in Bleach"

"They eat souls like in Bleach."
"And they turn them. You're an Agent, you know how it works."
"Ok, fine. Then what do you do when you're attacked by a demon?"
"Same thing you do. Kill it."
He directs the first's attention towards his swords, both of them only have an edge on one side, and on the other, where the blade becomes the hilt, turns another hilt 90 degrees from the normal one. An interesting weapon, if he didn't already wield his that way.

"Right. Then why does the Agency never talk about you guys, if we obviously have the same goal?"
"Well, we don't have the same goal. You protect the living and I protect, and guide, the dead."

"But we have the same goal, protect the people. I don't understand why we couldn't work together."
"You really don't know, do you? The Agency was once apart of us."
"Once apart of the 'Soul Society?'" He snickerd.

A flash of white came, and within moments, both had drawn their weapons, letting the blade rest on their forearm and struggling with each other. The Soul Reaper had gained beautiful white wings and was using them to push himself further then his normal body could. The people in their cabins had noticed the flash and felt the shock, but other then that, they were oblvious to the 'battle' going on behind them.

"You just don't get it. This isn't a joke. If we wanted to, we could leave your soul here, in this multi-plane, and let you fend for yourself from all the horrors the demon have to offer. You won't have fully grown into your spiritual energy in this realm, and your weapons will be inaccesable to you. You'll be worthless, a free soul to even the weakest of monsters."

They lower their weapons and sit back down.

The Agent sat back in his seat, letting himself get comfortable again. "Then let history lesson begin. What sepperated the two? And why has the Agency never mentioned the Soul Reapers before?"

"Because" the angelic figure began "there was a civil war for hundreds of years that's purpose was only that of pride. It's why Agents can be mortals and Reapers cant. It's why the Agency bars weapon use." He took a deep breathe. "And it's why us Reapers are dying off. The living with spirtual potential once became Reapers. But now they're becoming Agents, and not wanting to do the same job in the afterlife."

The Soul Reaper looked at the floor, contemplating what to say next. He had done this job since he died in the 1920's. It was getting old, but he was still young, spiritually whise. "Maybe the fact that you're here is a good thing. Maybe you can start recruiting Soul Reapers for me. I just need one good word in the Agency."

The agent stood up. "I'm just here to protect the girl. Let me do my job and we can both pray that you wont have to do yours."

The soul reaper smiled. "Pray? I've got a direct line to heaven right now.It wont do us any good. You and I are who they send when people have a prayer."

"If this whole thing goes over well, and you teach me a bit more about what you know, I'll see what I can do. Deal?"

"Deal."

I had a random rap attack

This was alot longer and kept going through my head, so I started typing when I got to the computer. Here it is.

My mind is racing and I'm just trying to get a grip,

everything is moving, I feel like I'm starting to slip

I've got so many thoughts and none of them are sounded funny

Everyone's staring, "just look at him honey 

Isnt he silly hes just trying to get by

and yet there he is, looking like hes about to cry"

I am just so high

but it aint off of no damn drug

its this stupid life, it is starting to be no much fun

I wanna just start to run,

but I can't go anywhere

Leave tonight and keep going

packen extra underwear

Gonna go and when I get there

figure out where I am at

and see if anyone really cares

See if I'm attacked

See if anyone notices

I notice that I'm not too far

still in my car

I've only gotten to the park.

But thats a start

maybe next time I'll get a little further

I gotta calm down before somebody gets hurt.

I have alot more to say, so I'm just going to continue. Today, I learned they're going to have to put me on the minimun plan so I can graduate. This was a huge blow to my ego, though it didn't hit me till a bit later. Everyone came over and we had a great time, but for some reason theirs two other things on my mind that I just really need someone to talk to about and yet I can't. I don't know why. It's not out of shame nor spight, just bad circumstances. And I hate it.

One of them has been eating at me for only part of the day, and even though it's not so much a big deal, it's destroying me. Its going to be the end of me, and I want it to stop. I want everything to stop, just for me. Like I'm important enough to make everyone give up what they're doing and pay attention to the poor kid who can't make up his mind on how he wants to live his life.

The other has just had me in shock since the weekend, I don't know what to do. Its caused me so much.... almost shame, but not really. Like its a reality check that, everything I know isn't always going to be there. The fact that the Tulleys came over (the ones who introduced me to Audrey) and stayed the weekend did not help to curb these thoughts. I tried to drown them out so hard I did nothing but play SF4 all day. Normally this is normal, but I just sort of lost it. I only realized later just what I had been doing. I feel like, once again, I'm trying to force myself to have problems. In one of the Thursday novels, the minor characters always feel happy, and the only way they get another feeling is by kidnapping bystandards to marry them and kill them, so that they can feel happiness then sadness, respectively. I feel like thats me on a lesser scale.

This is the first year since 8th grade I havent dealt with a breakup right before summer. I like that, and yet, I have that exact same feeling I've had the bast 5 years. A huge loss. I hate this feeling. It's the reason I hate summer. It's the reason I give up a good 45+$ every year towards Blizzard to lose myself. It's the reason I get paler around summer rather then tanner. Its the reason for alot of other things, and it should be gone right now, but its not. I have good friends who actually care about me, a good life with a good future and a home that people around the world would, quite literally, kill for. But this feeling just irks me.... it may be whats causing this mental breakdown.

I feel mentally unstable. Maybe it's the 3 energy drinks I've drank today (not to mention the coffee I drank) making my insides and brain squirm, but I've been ready to blow all day. Today when I was driving with Kyle and Grace, I had to try so hard not to blare the horn and yell my lungs out that I got dizzy. I didn't tell either of them that. Probably for the better. I don't want highschool to end. Kyle will be gone. There goes a good amount of my entertainment. Taylor will have a job. As much as I love my friends, I can't wait till I stay with my aunt for 2 weeks. I mean no offense towards anyone, but I'm a bit ready for change. This is a huge deal for someone who didn't want to move from their old house because he had alot of memories there. I need change. 

Onto friends. I'm going to miss you guys. This was a fun year, if only for them. I cant imagine being one of those kids walking around during lunch of school functions, looking for someone who might tollerate their presence. I can't imagine going through Senior year with out any friends. It seems like such a waste. I know they say these are your golden years, but I'm going to prove them wrong. 10 years for now, I hope to be atleast somewhat succesful. I'd like to atleast fly in my friends once a year for a good week bash or something. I know I've said that I keep having dreams about my future, and that seems to be one of them. All of us in a penthouse just blaring the radio, playing games, talking, what we do now but more luxorious. And even a few inclusions. More people as crazy as us.

I keep thinking about my kids. I don't know why. It's always been a fascinating thought for me. What will they be like? In one of my stories, I tried to match as much of it with my life as I could while keeping it in bounds. One of the things I put in, though, was a boy and a two year younger and or twin girl. And that's something I've had in my mind for years, though I'm not sure why. The boy seems to just be what I am to my mother, but to me. And alot more bad ass. The girl seems to be like..... well, lets just say shes strong headed, but still acts a girl. I could tell you stories of things that they do both together and on their own. And then I realize, these are my future kid's lifes I'm planning out. Maybe I should just make this it's own story, and yet it seems like it would go nowhere. Just like life.

My writing has been..... weird, lately. This is the most I've written in awhile. I still make my stories, like I've done for the past 5 years, but the fact that I'm too lazy to write it all out kind of annoys me. I keep telling myself it'll get better once school ends. Maybe it will. I hope so. I want to, by the end of the year, atleast have attempted to publish something. Anything. So wish me luck.

I think I'm done ranting. I'm trying to think of what else to talk about, but I think I've hit everything. This is mainly for myself then anything else. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I'm tired.....