Where I talk about nothing.

I've been contemplative for quite awhile. I'm not all too sure why. I feel like arguing, but not an angry arguement. Almost like I want to fight for a cause, but don't know just what. Everything that I believe in, someone else already does and has better words for describing why they're right. The only time I ever get to join the fray is with someone in passing, relatives or something close to that matter. And even then, I've done nothing. I've spoken only words.

Helping customers at work is a mixed bag. If I get a customer asking me about anything in my department that isn't basic external HDD, basic networking info, or info that literally requires me to read the box of what they're buying, IE "Excuse me, does this work with this" *reads box* "yes."

How ever, if someone strays over from the video game section, or I happen to be over near the computers or software, I'm able to answer questions like crazy. It's crazy. Oh well.

I think this is it for me, this should make up for the missed day. Two different posts with their own formula. I'm gonna try and actually write fiction, get it here and up at deviantart.

Round two. FIGHT

I missed yesterday. Bout to miss today. Let's do this.

I have nothing to blogg about. Yesterday I didn't blog because, in short, I forgot. When I get home I'm to do a video blog, but you know what? I'm probably not going to. Being almost forced to be in front of a keyboard typing is a good way to get me to get some writing done, something I should probably do in the first place.

Well, since I'm watching it, I might as well blog about anime. I'm not too sure about who I have to blame, but they have brought back an old obsession of mine that was fueled solely by Toonami. With the age of the internet in full bloom, I am now able to once again satisfy this hunger. With the aide of a few good friends in my search for my anime, and torrents to get me back in touch with my childhood past, I've gotten myself to a point where my hobby of street fighter and this are conflicting. I haven't played a good round of that in quite awhile.

Then again, having a job might also be a good role in this, but it goes both ways. Maybe I'm just bored with normal SF4 and am currently waiting for Super. I'm going to assume that's what it is. I know I still have this passion to fight, I can feel it in me. So we'll just wait and see.

As for now, I suppose this is my intro, so to speak. I make no promises, but I'll attempt to blog again tonight. I want to get some more writing done before the end of this weekend. But it won't just be posted here. It will go here http://ajtucker22.deviantart.com/ and all of my past writing has also found it's way there. Even stuff that I have not posted there.

Maybe that alone will enable me to not need to do a writing blog, but actually do a vblog. Who knows. But for now, I really have to poop.

Oh shit....

2 years back, I wrote a song for winter-een-mas. Well, it's that time of year again, and I found that song. So, here it is, in all it's glory.

Ok, so we're at work and this is pretty gay, I cant believe this is part of my winter-een-mas day
But I know that once I get home, those lights will turn green, and then we will see who truely means- it
when they say that they are the top gamer, we'll see just exactly who has the magic fingers
we will see exactly who is best. And we'll see who dominates all the rest.
BUT, its not enough whether you win or lose, cause then that sepperates people, thats segregation foo'
But no, this is a holiday of unity
to bring close all the gamers, just like you and me.

Chorus: up up down down left right left right B A start (repeat. Alot)

Got it. People dont understand the way we think, they think we're immature, they think we stand for sheet, but
We all no alot better then that, its more then giant swords to kill a giant rat
its more then one big gun to bring down one big bug
its more then shooting guys after they stole your drugs
its about the things we're taught, and the things we know
these games get you thinking, more then a bad way, SO
lets all grab a controller, its starting to load, and please beat that game first before you put in a cheat code LIKE

*Chorus*

Well.....I got one more verse to portray to you
the spirit of winter-een-mas as its tryed and true
so whether you're on a 360, or the getting better PS3
Or maybe you got lucky this year, and are toting a Wii
whether its Halo or Bwii, ratchet or Kane
Advance wars on the DS, or simply some max payne
Detroying in Tetris, or getting destroyed in blizzard's "Crafts"
or Call of Duty:4, owning noobs in the masses
Alone or in group, a LAN or online
Merry winter-een-mas to all, and to all a good game!

I'm not trying to sound so incensere.

Well, we're in the future now with our flying cars and our floating computers and moon travel and whatnot. Wait, we're not? WELL FUCK!

Usually I make a new years resolution thingy mabob to like "pass my classes" or something else that's dumb. But last year I made a bit of a different one. I made a new years resolution to be happy? And you know what?

I did it. Theirs not much else to say. I don't have another new years resolution. I think my next resolution is to just be as good of a friend (and boy friend) as I can possibly be. If anyone ever needs me, needs someone to just talk to or a ride somewhere, or even a place to stay, I'm a phone call away.

An explanation.

I feel like I need to explain, to myself, just why this christmas is different from the last, aside from age and the fact that I have a girlfriend.

I have nothing to do right now. For the past four years, every christmas eve I would literally stay up all night playing one game and just not sleeping. Something I was hoping to do again this year. Last year it was, I think, a combination of WoW and COD:WAW. The 3 years before that, most likely WoW. Possibly even the year before those, not sure.

Anyways, this year I have nothing to play. No game to extend my reach to the masses, no chat to dwelve into, nothing. And I hate it. What I hate even more is how great of a time I had today. Which sounds fucked up, I know. This is how my day went.

I woke up, talked to my mom, got ready, wrapped gift and left. We got to chels's house and exchanged gifts while her two little cousins (I think?) got their gifts and just had fun. Gifts were exchanged between their family and then we went to church. After church we just sort of lounged around and then went to a member of her family's house where assorted cousins, uncles and grandparents were (grand parent?) where we talked, ate, talked some more and gifts were once again exchanged. And then I got to play DJ hero. But aside from that, I did not touch a console. Which is weird for me, because this is how my christmas eve usually goes.

Wake up, get on game until the next day, only stopping to help my mom cook or to talk to brother when they arrived and have them join in on the game playing. Other then that, I pretty much don't do anything. And for me to this year go out and actually do what seems like normal families do is alien to me. Whats worse, I enjoyed myself. I had a good time, no, a GREAT time.

The only down side is I now no longer have her by my side. And with that, I have no game to play. Nothing to keep me awake through the dead of night so that the taunt of knowing I have to wake up at 7 or 8, and not too later so that I miss presents and not too early so that I can't wake them up and not have to go back to sleep, thats not there. I can just play and play and play and when I feel like looking at the clock and seeing, oh hey I have a few hours left, lets do a BG to kill the time, or I can do a raid and leave halfway through if I want. Or even not noticing until my mom wakes up to cook. I don't have that. I have to go back to sleeping and hope I don't sleep too late. Or if I can even fall asleep at all.

New nerd rant, yay!

Let's talk about sleep.

I love sleep. If for only one reason I'm not afraid of death, it's because if there is no after life, I'm completely content with just sleeping for forever. If I didn't have friends or a girlfriend, I'd be completely fine with never having to wake up. On the bad side, I've gained what I'm getting increasingly sure of is a bad habit, if not an unhealthy one.

No matter what time I go to bed at night, I won't wake up till 2:00 PM unless woken up. Tuesday night I was dead tired, I had woken up at 9:00 (after going to bed at 3:00), driven to the galleria, was downtown till like, 8, came home and fucked, then chels went home and I went to bed at like, 9 or 10. And I was dead tired. I was supposed to go to her house for a bit, but I was falling asleep and it was way too unsafe for me to drive anymore. So I passed out, literally. I don't remember anything after kissing her goodnight as she walked to her car. I remember texting her in the morning, not knowing what time it was, thinking i was going to stay up, and then passing out again. That was at like, 8:00. Then at magical time, lisa texted me about game night and I somehow told her I would go. I don't remember doing that, but I knew I had said I would go. Then at 2:00 I woke up.

It's always 2:00. ALWAYS.....

I've had days where I knew it was unimportant, and knew I was going to see chels at like, 5:00 so I wanted to go to bed late and sleep till she came over. So, I'd go to bed at like 5:00 and then I would wake up at 2:00 and be completely rested. Fuck you, body. Right now, theirs no reason for me to be up. But you know what time I'm going to get up? 2:00. yaaaay. Lets see if we can see where this began.

Back in the day, I remember bragging cause I had stayed up till 12:00. This was like, 4th grade. Fuck you, 4th grade me. Then, in like 5th grade, I remember bragging about staying up all night long. That was fun. Then we would try it again and pass out around 2:00. Thats what time I go to bed normally, now. Around the time I started playing WoW, well thats when it got bad. I'd stay up really fucken late. I'm pretty sure thats how all this truly began.

This post is really just fueling my addiction to staying up and sleeping. Tomorrow I have literally nothing to do, I'll probably just go over to jasons and make remarks of the sexual kind, then do innappropriate things to kris when he isn't looking.

On this note, I don't think you people realize just how horrible of a person I am. For the most part, I don't talk, but the numerous upon numerous of horrible looks I recieved from lisa, daniel and taylor today really reminded me of that.

Not john though, johns cool.

Not you kris

Oh wait, kris doesn't read this blogg.

So this one time, kris found a magic apple. The apple asked him "What is one thing you really want right now?" and Kris said "Holy shit, you can talk! I wanna be like you!" but the apple mistook him and turned him into an apple, instead of magic. Then kris had to convince a girl to kiss him and he would turn into a prince, but instead she ALSO turned into an apple, and they both went into a swamp and found an alligator that sings and also wanted to be human again, and it was all one big racist thing towards black people. Then Disney got ahold of it and changed EVERYTHING OF MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION!

Shit, I'm becoming taylor.

I love keith. (kieth? kethe? Pretty sure that first one is right.) He really does live the life I want to. You guys make fun of me for it, but I really am one big child. I love playing with legos, I like to shoot nerf guns, I play video games all the time, I'm excited I got a sword, I love candy, I'm a big fucken kid. And I don't care. My girlfriend is the same way. And when we move in, we're just gonna have toys everywhere and play all the time. It will be fun.

This thread is getting off topic. So I'm gonna talk about the even further progression of myself in SF4.

I watched some videos of my playing around thanksgiving time, and even now I can see so much improvement in myself. Kara throwing on it's own has improved my game by quite a bit. Also, walking up to someone as they're getting up and getting in a "meaty" attack (which is using the start up frames of your move while they're getting up so that as soon as they're attack-able, you immediately hit them or they block. That way if they try and grab or attack with something that doesn't have invinceable frames, they'll get hit) is seriously one of the best things anyone could have taught me. Before that, me and probably everyone else can only think of one way to get in.

Jump in.

In all reality, jumping in is the WORST way to get in, mainly because you're giving up your ability to block. Walking in is great because it's so unexpected, especially walking up and grabbing, which ken does best BECAUSE of kara throw. Fireball xx FADC is a pretty bad way to get in with ken because his fireball is kinda shitty. If you get the spacing right, jumping in for a cross up is nice if only because it sets you up for a few things.

A)Cross up hits.

B) Cross up is blocked, but the blockstun lasts long enough for you to get in the rest of the combo. Sometimes they don't block low and you get the combo anyways.

C) If they do block low, you continue the combo, then tick throw with kara throw.

D) if they know kara throw, you bait it, then make them eat a SRK, and start the mix up game all over.
E)If they're getting used to you continuing the combo, just grab right after the blocked cross up.

F) Or you can change the combo a little bit, making it shorter or longer, and grab at different times.

G) Fake a cross up and hit forwards

H) Do the ambiguous cross up (see here) which can really confuse people, and make them make dumb decisions

I) Just dont do anything and let them try to reversal you.

Theirs so many options here, where only a short time ago all I could think of was hopefully hit them or hit them while blocking until they get far enough away to try again.

FADC ultra is like NOTHING to me now. I'm trying to learn a new link that not many people do because it's tough, but then again not many people do FADC ultra with ken cause it's tough also, so knowing that makes me feel good. I wanna be able to pull out stuff that no one knows about and fuck shit up.

I can't wait to get back online and see where I'm at. It's exciting. I learned so much from this one tournament.

Also, theirs no TP in this bathroom. FUCK

Let's talk about being a gamer.

A rant before I wander off into sleep, and because theirs some good music playing and I don't want it to go to waste. Let's start from something I believe to be essential. Where it all began.

Out of pure spite and also admirance of my brothers. What you people know of to be the people I call my brothers used to be completely different. In that, they were dicks. And in being dicks, they were also my "parents", as my real parents were never truelly around. So, watching them play games, thats what I wanted to do. I'm a gamer by inheritance, and therefore by nature. Either because I just wanted to piss them off by occupying the system when they had just rented a game, or because I had just rented a game and knew they were only just occupying the system, I had a strong desire to play. Which soon created an even stronger desire to win.

When the SNES was out, there was a huge lack of multiplayer games, an even bigger lack of competitive games, and an even further gap of multiplayer competitive games that I was competent at. The N64, in a sense changed this, and with that came about the almost NEED to become the best. Though, you could never show it. You could never boast you were the best with out being somewhat ironic, otherwise you were "taking it too seriously", though everyone knew just how important it was to be the best. Or maybe that was just me, being the smallest and having to prove myself in any way shape or form. Either way, 007, mario kart 64, smash bros, and many more all reset the proving grounds of who had their moment of fame in the house that night. Who could sleep more soundly knowing that the others couldn't. Who could get bragging rights to the console next so that they could get in more time so that they could get better. In a sense, even though I didn't grow up in the arcade scene the way others did, I still had that idea of "if you win, you keep playing". In short, you really had to want it.

Lets fast forward into the future. I'll keep this as less about street fighter 4 as possible, so lets start with my brother Joshua, and smash bros. Before Luis left the house and began the sepperation of us all, the order in Smash bros, and therefore of all games, or so it was perceieved, was Josh, Luis and then myself. We could all argue otherwise, but once it game down to controllers being in hand, thats how it truely played out. After awhile, I became second, but somehow, SOMEHOW, my brother joshua remained 1st. Even though he was the only "non gamer", and I have yet to this day to figure out how he did that. Now adays thats changed, if only because he barely touches the game, but then again neither do I. So who knows.

On the note of smash bros, I like many other fighting game enthusiasts do not take it seriously enough. This is sort of a sub-story to my entire rant but this is how it goes down. Smash players (both melee and brawl) don't take any other fighter seriously. Everyone else doesn't take smash seriously. It's actually really amusing. Of course, I side with the non smash, though I will say that melee is much better of a competitive game then brawl is. On this same note, just because you play Brawl does NOT make you a gamer. Onto my next rant, non-ganers who play games.

Playing Halo does not make you a gamer. Playing MWF2 does not make you a gamer. Playing GoW does not make you a gamer. These all make you a bro gamer, or what ever derogatory term you want to use at the time. Playing Smash, along with all of these, does not make you a gamer either. Well, brawl anyways, you can have your fits with Melee since this is done on a much lesser scale with melee and has nothing but elitists fucks who think they're the shit. Brawl is nothing more then one giant fanservice. Ironically, many "gamers" who play brawl are also the same people who played one or two sonics on either the GCN or Dreamcast and entranced them so much that they made themselves a sonic character. Read: furry. Or even just anime nerds. Somehow brawl attracts them also. Either way, these people are not gamers, they are just people who like one game, know the history of other games (read:JRPGS) but don't know the joy of beating a final boss. Don't know the joy of anything in those games aside from the story. Bah to them, I say! Though, they did find one game that they enjoy the gameplay of. One that caters to the new, the young, the un experienced, in short, a game dumbed down by those who thought they deserved a chance at high stake wins with out wanting to put in all the time and practice. Sound familiar Blizzard?

I won't even get into how pissed I get when WoW players think themselves of "hardcore" gamers. Come back 5 years ago, and maybe. But now it's no different then buying shit off of popcap, or getting a DS game/Wii game.

While we're onto this topic of "real gamers" i want to say this. REAL GAMERS ARE NOT PEOPLE YOU CAN MARKET TO!! I hate seeing shirts and things of games that obviously everyone has played, being marketed to "gamers" when really anyone can wear them and not feel dumb. This is a stupid trend that started four years ago, and at the time was cool. We had a way to sepperate ourselves normally. But then everyone started doing it. Being a gamer became "trendy". And you know what real gamers did? We said "fuck that". At this point I'll just be restating what many have said in that, we did not go years being social outcasts to just let everyone be apart of us. No. You have to work just like we did. You have to know your shit. I don't care if you know the konami code. I've never had to use it and I don't know it. Tell me what the boss order and name of the bosses in SMRPG are. Or tell me what the feather does in Zelda, any of them. Tell me why knowing how to do a hadouken or srk is useless info with out textbooks worth of other knowledge. Explain to me the frustration of having shaman gear drop as alliance. What are all of the robot masters weaknesses, in ANY of the megamans. Shit, most of us only ever got one. These make us who we are.

By the way, making something new for gamers, then marketing it at us and saying "all gamers are doing it" is a quick way to get us not to do something. We hate conforming, All of us. I don't know why. Ironically, we also have fanboyisms. If other gamers are doing it and we're not already, then we're not going to do it. What, you got a sega? I hate sega. No I have never played it, but I don't have it, so therefore it sucks. And so do you.

Unrelated, why did the batteries in rumble packs last for years with no replacing? Always confused me. I've been playing alot of old games lately, if only for nostalgia. I'm playing SMRPG right now, and to be completely honest, I'm only doing it so I can hear it's music. I know how everything goes down (for the most part, everynow and then theirs something I've forgotten and I get kinda pissy) but I'm only doing it because I love the music and I just wanna get to the next part to hear some good ole fashioned Square. Also been trying to beat all of the megamans. It's funny, really. I've gotten to the point where I beat Megaman X just because I can. In maybe 2 hours. I did it with the arcade stick just because i wanted to be able to say that i could. And I beat it with 100%, meaning I got every secret item etc. etc. But any of the others? Aw, fuck no. Fuck wily. Why is he more difficult then a robot virus thingy? Fuck him. Fuck is robot masters. I LIKE robot masters shaped like animals.

Also, I predict CAPCOM to be the next EA, or Activision or any other giant gaming corporation. Yeah they're already big but I know they're gonna try and dominate every genre they can.

I'm going to bed now.

I'm dying here.

I've gone a total of four days with out playing Street Fighter. This was not that big of a deal until today. All the other days, I probably wouldn't have played anyways due to studying. But now? From 4-now, I have had nothing to do. I got my Wii back and as soon as I plugged that in I thought "This will last maybe 6 hours." It's 11:30. I can't hold that damned GCN controller anymore. I want an arcade stick on my lap. I want to play TVC on it, if I'm going to play something. I want to play SF4. Soooo bad.

Heres a little history of me. I have an addictive personality when it comes to video games. Back when we had the N64 and SNES, I would always be playing either Super Metroid, Megaman X, Star Fox 64 or Golden Eye. Later on when smash came out, that was it for me. Only that game, nothing else. When the GCN came out, I knew if I picked up smash it would consume me. So I played and beat Pikmin first. Then smash. Up until when Sonic Adventure 2 battle came out, thats all I played. Then it was the Chao garden for me from like, 5th grade to 8th. Sure there were other games, but I don't remember them. Either I played smash or SA2B. Then we got a computer.... oh sweet jesus. Battle Field 1942 came with our computer, then shortly after that Vietnam came out. If I couldn't find a server on one, I played the other. This went on for a good year.

Then one fateful day for some damned reason, all the servers were done. Something about maintenence. It wasn't tuesday.... so my brother had an idea. "Play this game." he says. I would later find out this was the most assholish move anyone could ever do to me.

Four years. Four fucken years of this damned game. It wasn't even fun the fourth year, but I kept playing. I couldn't stop. The first two years were.... not pretty. Third got bad at a point also. Fuck WoW. I hate it, but love it. I want to play again. But I know if I do, it'll be shit. Because it's a shit game. Too many gimmicks, not enough game. Fuck.

I wish I could say by my own will I stopped playing. But really the game just sucked too much for me to want to play it anymore. Same old shit. Once I figured out what order to do moves for a new class it once again became 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. But not Street Fighter....

This is my new addiction now. And unless KOTOR is fucking godly, I don't see that stopping. I want to be good, no, GREAT at this game. I want to be great at ALL capcom fighting games. But how can I do that with no 360?

This sucks.... I want to play WoW. I want to play street fighter. I want to just.... not be bored. I'm so damned bored.

I know tonight is going to be another sleepless night of me frantically hitting refresh on twitter and forums. Then I'm going to get woken up bright and early, like all of this fucken week. I want a not broken car. I want to go to planet zero.

Man I'm a whiny prick.

I'm gonna take another shower and try to sleep again.

Woops....

So, I had this awesome plan that when I got home, I was going to start blogging again for BEDD. Which doesn't really exist but uh.... yeah.

December is looking to be a fun month. Sort of. Lets see how all of this works out. Ehh....

Since I missed the first day, I'll just blog twice today. That works, right? Yeah, yeah it does.

I don't have much to say for today. Just at jasons, probably late, playing MWF2. This weekend will prove interesting.

Also, my computer has been making weird sounds. Also going to see how this works out.

Nostalgic son of a bitch.

I just went through and read everyone's blogg history. About halfway through jason's I started wondering "Why?" and then it hit me. I was doing it purely to attempt to relive highschool.

Taylor's and Jason's were by far the most enjoyable, if only for pure length. It seems like Jason talked about shit that no one but him understood, so I didn't get as much from that as hearing Taylor horribly warp what actually happened that day into what he wanted to happen.

Kyle seemed to be the best about typing the facts, but because he joined late, fuck kyle I love him. I'm just now realizing I didn't read Lisa's, so I'll be right back.

Read through Lisa's blogg and it appears she has the same syndrome Jason did.

I'm not bashing anyone's blogg, I'm just.

Actually I don't know what I'm doing. I'm happy to say that this isn't so much true with my life. I mean, I know what I'm doing RIGHT now......I think. I'm blogging. But why so late? I'm pretty sure this is a blogg to myself. I'm also pretty sure I'm confused.

I just slept on a bus for 3 hours. I love visiting chels, and I love the time I'm with her, but this travelling is killing me. I already slept so I cant sleep, and when I go to see her I'm sleep deprived, so right now I'm actually sleep deprived, but my body doesn't know that because it just slept, so right now I'm feeling it pretty bad.

I got SF4 for the comp. The only problem is that on everything at low settings and my comp at max settings, I can only get 55 FPS. The game is SUPPOSED to run at 60 FPS consistently. I'm hoping your limited knowledge of computers can do the math there. Also, when my comp gets tired, the game goes down to 13 FPS, which makes me want to kill myself. I also can not see my health bar, which is stupid. I'm not turning this into another SF4 blogg, but I wanted this so I could basically play where ever I go, and thats turning into a not so much, right now. Poop

Back to reading everyones bloggs.

I miss you guys. Jason kept calling me over the weekend, and I felt horrible that I couldn't hang out with him. I mean, he's leaving soon and I really did want to go with him to do stuffs. It would have been really fun. Jason, when you read this, this weekend we're doing something. We are. Mark it up on your calendar. Its going to be the weekend-o-fun. Everyone else is invited. Except Kyle.

I hate to sound gay by saying this, but I'm excited about Winter Break on the count that Kyle is coming back. We gets to see our bestest bestest friend again, and love him and hold him and make him know that.....

sorry. But yeah, I mean, hes fucking Kyle Czarnekasndfjdsfljscnsdkf-ee. Kyle "Hardest fucken last name to spell" _Insert Last Name_

I don't know how I'm doing in class. I'm turning stuff in but I mean, theirs atleast one thing I haven't turned in in every one of my classes. I missed an entire essay in English, but I think I just aced a test. In History I missed the first assignment, so I'm worried about that. Math, well I flunked the first test but shes dropping it, so eh. And I can't get my grades because the system is stooped. BLAH!

I might go to the renn fair in 2 weeks. Kinda excited about that. Except that apparently its expensive and I have no money. And what money I will get is going to customizing my stick thingy mabob.

Oh, I'm customizing my stick thingy mabob. I figured it will take about 25 bucks. 18 for the buttons and the rest towards sticking print paper and spray paint. Probably more then 25, but eh, I'll figure it out later. Right now I'm worrying about the buttons. Chels is going to order them and I'll pay her back, and I'm going to do it over there with her helping. Oh right, not a SF4 blogg.....

I have a bunch of applications that i KEEP FORGETTING TO FILL OUT!!

It's not laziness and it's not that I don't want a job. I'll be all "OH hey, I want a job lets fill those suckers out" and then lifes like "FUCK YOU, SOMETHING ELSE NEEDS TO BE DONE" So I'll fly into the air and fight a giant dragon demon thing, but the city wont pay me because I did just as much damage fighting the dragon as the dragon did on its own. Dicks.

What?

Oh right, nostalgia. I've always been a nostalgic. I keep a box of fucken 6th grade notes from girls I don't even talk to anymore, just because it helps chronocolize my life. I used to keep love messages from a girl that I don't even talk to anymore just because when I "loved" her, it was a huge deal and is part of who I am today. I deleted them though, which for some stupid reason was hard. Eh, it felt good. Most of the reason I listen to music is because right now when I hear songs from way back when I can tell when I first and last listened to them profusely and once again, map out my life with them. I like finding new bands cause it's like I can start a new chapter that better helps to map my life.

I think I'm going to UTD next year. I'm not sure how its going to work though. But I sealed the deal in my mind by knowing and thinking a few things. First off

Chelsea failed to mention earlier that theirs a creative writing major over there. That would have been helpful to know.

I figure I can just take any class I think sounds fun and what ever ones I didn't enjoy wont be apart of what I'm going to do.

I really do want to get back into drawing.

I think I/we have gotten into the point of our relationship where its no longer just lovey dovey stuff. We can finally get on each other's nerves and be ourselves and see who we actually are, and to be honest, if this is all I'll have to "deal" with in the future, I'm lucking out. It's nothing that a few explenations and rational talks can't smooth over. I think we just need to understand each other a little better and, while no relationship is perfect, we wont be at each others throats.

Thats not to say that we are now. But I can tell there were times where she was annoyed with me and I with her, but it was simply because of lack of communication due to, which is funny, caring about the other way too much. Only one instance did that not apply, but it was still due to lack of communication.

Now I'm fucken dr phil to myself.

We all need to hang out one day, play some smash or watch Jason die at Bioshock before handing it to taylor again.

I'm really enjoying SMBC lately. It just has not been not funny for so long. Have they ever made a shitty comic? Since I can't sleep I might go check.

I think I'm going to end my post here.

My life, as it were.

So here I am, 4 a fucken clock in the morning, doing nothing but staring at my moniter. I just spent a good 2 hours watching SF4 vids. Before that? Well, playing Brutal Legend for awhile (more on that later) but before THAT, played SF4. My days seem pretty linear. Go to class, come home, play SF4, go back to class, come home, play SF4, my brother comes home, play something else, sleep. Wake up and rinse, lather, repeat.

The only days this changes is if I have a test, or homework, in which case that takes place in either sleep time or the time inbetween classes that I play SF4. Other then that, nothing changes until the weekend.

My weekends are one of the two.

Wake up, get to bus station, sleep on bus, see gf for 4 days and what ever happens happens. I also get laid every night during this time.

Or, I wake up and play SF4 until hunger sets in at which case I play SF4 while eating.

This game has consumed me. And I blame Kyle/Jason. Lets explain why for both.

Way back when school was ending and we all just hung out for shits and giggles, one day we all went to Chilli's to see our good ole pal Chase. But whats this? Chase has something giddy to share with us (jason). A new installation to a game I haven't heard about since my days of waiting for my turn to use the Playstation is coming out. Street Fighter? Do I remember it? Oh yes, of course I do. I remember trying frantically to do a god damned fireball while my brother danced around me sending me sky high or dropping me to the floor. Fuckers. Why would I expect this one to be any different?

So the game comes out and on basically a daily basis we go over to Jason's to play. The memorys of me and kyle going at it while fucken awesome music in the background portrays the seriousness of our battles still run frantically through my mind, a memory that is just as fond as those of me hoping to get the next piece of tier 1, or me racing along with thousands of others to hit 70 first. The learning curb was.... steep. I remember when me kyle and jason went to the tournament at Game Crazy only to have our asses handed to us by someone who could actually execute the fucken moves. I remember figuring out that if I just parried kyle's fucking punch thing, I could ultra his ass and get him off my nuts. I remember when kyle learned he could combo into his ultra, so I couldn't stay near him. And I remember when everyone finally had moves down. Now it was a matter of set ups and combos. Fighting kyle just made me.... so angry. And yet, it gave me a high. Every time I lost I checked what I did, learned not to jump in, learned what moves he spammed. Every time I won I made sure not to play the same way, just incase he was doing what I was. It felt so great. I can still see that look on his face..... I just wanted to beat him, and for him to KNOW i beat him.

I think the first time I decided this was my new addiction was the fateful day we just happened to end up at Planet Zero. After so long of scoffing at the idea of an arcade stick, when Kyle and Jason kept clammering of how GODLIKE it was, I finally had it in my hands. And it was so natural. It just.... felt good. Sure, my reaction was a bit sloppy, and every now and then instead of shoryu I would hado, but either way I had much more control over what I did, and this felt great. I then made it my mission to get one of these things. Fuck, I even got a job to get one of these things (though it was really only part of the reason I got a job.)

Once again, I hit the training stage, and set off to remaster every move I had down. But something happened along the way. I learned low medium kick comboed into hado. I learned shoryu as anti air could hit twice. I learned spamming shoryu was NOT an effective way of winning a match. And cross overs made more sense. Some of this stuff I already had down, but not to the point of reflex. I had to think about it before I did it, and the stuff that WAS reflex was all bad habits, probably gained from shooters.

A few months later and I was finally feeling confident. I was winning the champ mode constantly, and I went to bed that night just feeling like I could take on Daigo himself. But when I awoke, something weird had happened. The night before I gained the title of g2B, something not any mortal man could do. But along with it came the chance of fighting more g2B and ups. And I started losing. How could I, me, possibly be losing this much. At first I was frustrated, but while I was supposed to be doing my news cast, I found myself discussing the game with others and watching videos of better people. Seeing what they could do was enticing, so I picked up the game again only to despair in my inability to even do the correct moves. It was like I just couldnt play. So, I picked up the 360 controller and started all over again. With the controller in hand, I won 4 champs in a row nonstop. What happened? I switched to stick again and could not win. I slowly transitioned myself to win a champ with controller to keep my spirits up, then use stick to not lose those timings. And within a week I hit g2A.

Once I hit G2 A I was feeling great again, but the slump hit me once more. But around that time, the Bar Fights round 2 were happening, and I could finally watch pro ken players in action, something that was just not seen since SF4 came out. I watched and then learned there combos, something that took so much fucken patience. Even now I botch them from time to time, and I'm attempting to learn to lengthen them slowly, when I'm feeling daring or when I know I'm going to lose. I'll just try and pull them out of my ass. And you know what's funny? Sometimes they work and win the match. Its awesome, that feeling of losing and then pulling something from nowhere only to have it save you. Once that happens, you feel like you can do it at anytime.

There are times when I have what I call "the zone", and I assume its what pros just have constantly. The ability to just read your player, know what they're going to do, take huge risks knowing you have a great chance of coming out on top with it, or just having a good idea of what's going to happen, so you prep mentally for it. At these times it's as if I'm seeing every frame by frame of the game, as if it has stopped completely. I can see blanka starting up his beast roll, or balrog beginning his dashes. I can tell if Ryu is throwing a fireball or tatsuing from the second I see his player make him crouch from not putting in the input fast enough. At other times I'm just playing by memory and act like a fucken tard. I'll just keep jumping in when it obviously doesn't work. I'll try the same combo and get punished horribly for it. Or, a horrible habit from Jason, really just want to end it flashy.

Week after week I can just see myself improve. I can look back and remember when I learned j.mk, c.mk, srk. And then, from that, I learned j.mk, jab, jab, srk. From that, j.mk, c.lk, jab, srk as a mix up incase they dont block low. Or even if the two jabs miss most of the time I can c.mk into a tatsu or hado.

When I'm on point I can string these things together. For ken its all about getting in close. The only reason I hate not having a working 360 is that I can't play SF4 once I wake up, or into the dead of night. But perhaps this is a good thing. I would still be playing right now, even though I have a test tomorrow.

Last weekend chels was telling me how she was going to have alot of homework, so I was going to have to find something to do while she did that. So, she said "Why not bring Street Fighter and hook it up in the lobby, that way people can see you play and come challenge you." See, this is why I love this girl. She has great ideas and she knows what I like. So thats what I did, took my fightstick and my game and while she did homework by my side, I kicked some random people's ass. I did not lose, people. Wish I had a camera to record that shit. Did. Not. Lose. Only one guy I faced actually had the game, and he was fun to fight if only because he blocked cross ups and forced me to mix up my game. Every time I won, I kissed chels for good measure, and played the next guy. There were 6 guys in all, one tekken player who thought for SURE he could beat me (he got one round on me), the other SF guy who also thought for sure he could beat me (Also got a round on me) someone who had a SF2 emu so he thought he was cool (only one I never got a perfect on) and 3 other guys who just loved playing it. Every single one said they were going to buy it and that "in a few weeks we're going to have a rematch". And to be honest? I can't wait. Just talking in between matches about strategys, showing them how to FADC out of projectiles, telling them of the whole Street Fighter scene thats out there that I want to be in. It was so fun. A few other guys who just looked on while they played magic (there was an entire group of people behind us playing magic) would also just yell with excitement when some kind of turn around happen. I'm sure a few of them will also buy the game.

I titled this blogg post "my life, as it were" and I really was going to talk about my life as it is right now. And in a sense, I think I kind of did. Me and chels are doing great, so there is nothing to talk about there. I see her every other weekend, twice in a row this weekend, and I love seeing her and love being with her. But when I'm not with her or with my studies, I'm with street fighter.

Jason introduced me into this competitive world when we saw "I Got Next". Even before that when the guy from CAD linked "Evo moment number 34", the moment I decided to buy SF4. Kyle showed me just how fun it is to have a rival, someone to just go at it with. And this game gave me what I have wanted for so long now. A good one v one competition. When Brawl came out I went with Matt to a melee tournament, and I remember how stressful, and fun it was. When we saw rich win it all, the high was just so great. A few months later at school during the Brawl tournament, I was horribly pissed that I lost, but all I wanted to do was practice and face that fucker again. Second was great and all and its something I can tell people, but first is first. I've always thought of games as the last true honorable form of 1v1 competition, and no other game has given me any substance behind that until this one. Not Smash, not Halo, not COD, the only thing that came close was, funnily enough, Tetris. I've always been really competitive, and this game has also.

Do I want to compete in tournaments? Yes. Do I hope to be the best? Not really. I just want to play. This game is so damned fun, and so much also are the interactions with people behind the matches, in between the rounds, after the whole thing is over with. I just want to go in and have some fun, get better while getting beat. Every now and then I find myself calling someone else cheap and I just have to stop, but down the controller, and go do something else. I then come back remembering why it is I do this. To have fun.

A dying art.

Seems like blogging is dying amongst our group of friends. Perhaps thats for the best. It was really just a way for everyone to make the crude jokes that they could have easily made through any other form of media.

Right now I'm at a crossroad. See, even now while I'm in college, I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up." All I know is that I want to go live with Chels. Sounds simple enough, right? But from the start, I knew I wanted to write. Just recently I've realized that, doing that in another town with out my parents is going to be not only difficult, but down right hard. If I'm going to write, we've already taken out the option of me going to the same school as Chelsea, because they have no programs for it there.

However....

Lately I've been looking at myself and what I've been doing. Every time I set out to do an assignment about halfway through I look around, and decide to blow some steam through some video games. I decided a long time ago, way back in Freshman year, that I would never try to go into game design on the count of that it's just way too cliche. A game nerd going for a game degree? But even in the midst of me having no money, going to college, whisking myself away every two weeks and attempting to have a social life, I still find/make times to set aside and just play games. And I don't mean my recent Street Fighter addiction, either. My brother moved the PS2 back in his room so I've been playing some classics. With the emulater I got, I've been playing SMRPG and I'm finally getting around to beating Chrono Trigger.

My point to that small rant was, not even a month ago I was talking about how I was feeling less and less like a gamer and more and more like someone who just really likes games (aka: Apple). But during my highest time of "stress" (It's not really stress since I have everything under control. Sort of....) I rely on games even more.

The next point to my rant is this. I've been browsing the internets, reading interviews and just looking at the stories of games. I've always said, if I can write a story and it just happens to end up into a game, great. But now I've realized that I can't do that if I don't have any game developing experience. And games offer a way into the media that movies, books, and television never will. I've been trying to convince myself to go into game design, but at the same time I wonder if my own motives are off. Do I actually want to go into game design, or am I just doing that so I can have an excuse to go to the same college as my girlfriend. Or am I just taking the easy way out of a profession that could be potentially difficult.

I'm sort of lost, battling myself. I think my one fear is that I'll get through 2 years of college, see what it is I'm doing and realize I don't want to do that and I'll look back and see what a stupid decision I've made. On the other side of that I don't want to look back when I have no real career and see the huge possibility presented to myself that I passed up cause I was confused.

Would it be too cliche for someone who has always avidly loved video games to suddenly start making them? Or would it really be better if I tried to go for a career in a dying industry that barely pays well, just to do what I love? Or even think I love? I don't know.....

School school school.

This is the first time in awhile I've got to sit down and play some good ole' WoW. And even then, I've got a good hour and thirty minutes to do so. Now, I'm not complaining about how much school sucks or anything like that, as the lack of time to do anything of my own is really my own fault.

For one, I like to sleep. Scratch that, I love to sleep. Sleeping is good, I'd do it for days if I had the option. But I don't, and thats because if I'm not up by 12:00, I'm just not getting an education for the day. This also ties in with my love of staying up late. Put these two together and you have a very groggy me in the morning that even 10 cups of joe cant fix. Nor some actual coffee. Joe doesnt like to shower.

Another block in the road I've hit is that, I don't like to be in town during the weekends. I guess a better way to say this is, I don't like to be home, as sometimes I'm forced to be in town. And the last time I was out of town I got home at 5. AM. Which kind of had me weirded out my first two days back, but what ever.

This was supposed to be alot longer, but I'm too stretched for time to write anymore.

Upon Kyle's Request

Me-Thats not my fault.

Kyle-I blame your infested doughnut (future edit. A donut? Come on....) for my befallen illness! You're the cause of this!

Me-You have no proof, child! You stand before the council and lay blame to me, what proof do we have this is nothing more then your wounded ego's attempt to bring me down!

Kyle-Keep still your tongue! I have only but myself to prove of this foul manner! I will show how you are the one to blame for this brackish attempt to end my life. I will show you!

Me-You show nothing but self placed contempt and hatered! When all is said and done, it is you who they will remember for wrong doing, not me!

Kyle-Do you actually believe you and your higherarchy can not be held accountable for such a reckless attack? Your social status does not shield you from the people, and your false words fall upon deaf ears. I will show them the coward, the tyrant, and the false council.

Me-You will show them nothing of the sort! If you truly believe the council will fall for your treacherous claims of sabatoge and assassination, then you yourself might as well be held accountable for treason.

Kyle- What ludicrous claims! My vision comes clear, this council would be so brash as to call thy claim an act of trason?! How rediculous! Your attempts to end my life will not be silenced, and you will be exposed for the murderous acts of you and the false council!

Me-I have no time for your deception and confusion amongst the council. We're at war! To waste my time with such ludicruos claims in itself is cheating our people!

Kyle-You are only to cheat yourself, council member! What is there to stop you from attacking another fellow civilian? My people will not suffer from this plot to destroy ourselves, through the minds and acts of this false council! I will not lay dying, and let you dictate my people!

Me-Do not dare talk to me about dictation when it was you who clearly let his own run rampant, and punish those not of his loyalty! What reason do I have to kill a council member when here you stand, with much power and control to gain if I fall! These are not children you see before you, but intelligent people! they will not fall for your ruse!

Kyle-Your council is nothing but false hope and lies amongst the people! Your words of loyalty are poison to the people's ears, and your false talk of peace is nothing but a figment of imagination! You will be held accountable for your actions of attempted murder, and you AND your council will be overthrown to make a vacant suitable to rule my people.

Me-I do not wish to fight a battle on two fronts, but if you must insist on such a fake grudge, you will lose. Such a rebellion will be aloud to go quietly, but take note, your followers will be shunned, and any warfare tactics used against us will not go unpunished. GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!

Kyle-Hold yourself! You would decimate the people you serve? As a member of the high council, you are dispicable, and a fool! For a rebellion of my magnitude and rite will rampart through your pathetic military! My people are no longer part of this false empire, and here by now succeed from it. Your words of a "peaceful" rebellion is nothing anyone has ever heard! You would rather let a civil war errupt than settle? Oh! your visions of peace would kill my and your people bu the tens of thousands! You're not a ruler, but a scared child!

Me-DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS! I allow your "rebellion" to go peacefully, and you mock me?! Truly you have a false sense of loyalty these people have of you. I said before i do not want a battle on two fronts, but you are practically asking for it!What leader willingly throws his men to death for a grudge? And you judge ME.....

Kyle-You think this attack is upon currency!? How dare you! Such a claim is stupid and half minded!

Me-Watch your tongue! Now listen here, I have a war to run, and its enough with out meddlers such as yourself running around with such adacious claims! With out me this war is lost, and I wont let some nave out for money disturb me! Yes, I would rather let a few disobediant men leave peacefully then allow my men be sent to their deaths by leaders who had all good intentions. I wont let it happen, and to attempt to stop me iis such hatred as I've never seen.

Kyle-My men would rather fight for a cause to redeem themselves and their generations after them. Event if it ment to sacrifice themselves in the process! You will not win this, council member, and when the time comes, you will be no more, and your words will be hushed by the edge of my blade!

Me-Then so be it. But your grudge will consume you. Remember this. Gaurds! Escort this man away. We are done here......

My weekend

This is less of a blog post and more of a chronicalization for myself. So if you really don't care, then stop reading now. I can't be sure how long this is going to be.

So, lets start at Thursday. Thursday night I decided, I'd get some sleep early since I had to wake up promptly at 6:00 so I could be ready to leave at 7:30. So at around 9:00, I set my alarm and got ready to doze off into dream world. Except, that didn't happen. I didn't want to play games since I knew that would keep me up all night, so I decided to just read instead. That was at about 9:30. At about 12:30, I finished my book. Fuck. I picked up another book, read for another hour, then tried DESPERATLY to fall asleep, at all. My brother got home at about 3:00 and saw I was awake, so I decided to see if some good ole MVC2 would help me sleep. Ironically, it did and 30min later, I tried to go back to sleep, only to hear the buzz of my 6:00 AM alarm.

at 7:30 on the dot, Chelsea's dad showed up and I grabbed my pillow and single bag and began my journey. For the entire week I had worried of how it was going to play out, and the day before chelsea had told me it was ok if I slept or listened to music, cause he said he wouldn't be mad. Now, I've met the guy before even to the point of having a conversation with him, but 5 hours alone in the car with the guy is a bit different. I brought my pillow, not cause I thought I'd need it, I knew Chelsea had a shit load (thanks in part to her mom), but incase I needed to sleep on the way over there. Well, that never happened. We ended up just joking and making fun of things like license plates and houses and poor people the entire way, it was jolly good fun.

At 12:30, right when Chelsea's only class for the day ended, we arrived and took her and her roommate out to lunch. It was kind of an awkward lunch cause, Chelsea and Caitlyn (her roommate) would talk about things me and her dad didn't know about, and then me and her would talk about things her dad and caitlyn wouldn't know about, then her dad and I would talk about things the other two wouldn't know about. No matter what, someone was being left out of the conversation. Oh, and I was still running on 2 hours of sleep.

After lunch, her dad left to go do works stuff, meaning that for the rest of the weekend she was mine. =D We went back to her general area of living and got me unpacked, then exercised our new found freedom. After that we went to eat with some guy named Kyle, who is MUCH cooler then our kyle, and possibly even taller as well. Caitlyn came along also. It was basically him making sex jokes about me and chelsea the entire time, and eventually Caitlyn couldnt resist and joined in on the fun. After that we headed back to the dorms at around 4:00. We had a few hours till the pool party, and while me and chels were watching avatar we kept hearing them play rockband next door. Except, it wasnt next door it was in the living area between all the dorms, so we went out and watched and eventually played, while Caitlyn had the entire other half of the room laughing at random Demotivational posters. After that, someone hooked up their laptop to the TV and we watched the Menergy video, Charlie the unicorn, a few Whitest kids, and other various random internet videos. Some other group wanted to hook up their 360 and have a 'scary movie night', but the only scary movie we watched was something dumb called Shrooms which quickly turned into us constantly making fun of it. Pineapple express was on netflix, but someone else brought Waiting, and since everyone's seen PE, we saw Waiting instead.

Sleepiness procded to take hold of half the room, so we all headed back and went to bed. We didn't wake up the next morning till about 2:00, which is normal for me but apparently late for everyone else. We went to lunch where some guys from the night before met up with us and we talked about blizcon the entire time, but eventually I felt bad cause Chels couldn't join in so we bid ado and met up with Kyle to watch some Avatar. Eventually Chels and Caitlyn had to leave and go do something before the carnival that was to come, so me and Kyle chilled there for a bit before meeting up with them. Before the carnival there was, what I described as, a pep rally. We heard some people speak and I felt REALLY out of place, but eventually we went to the carnival and played, in this order, Human Pacman, Football, ate some foods, Musical Chairs and then watched fireworks. After that we headed back to Kyle's dorm and finished off Avatar and headed back to bed.

Chelsea had to wake up at like, 10:00, and wouldnt be back till about 5:00 to do some team developing thing, which made me feel bad for keeping her up. We woke up, ate, then decided to start getting me ready to leave. Except, the website we used to find my bus/train/bus was down, so we were going to have to wing it. We got semi lost in dallas and chelsea was freaking out, so we called her dad but then we just said screw it and decided to try again the next day in the morning. We found a bus that left at 2:45 monday, and woke up at 11 to get me ready. After that, my 'adventure' began.

I got lost in Dallas. YAAAAAY!

I got off 4 stops before I was supposed to, but I didn't know that at the time. The train station was supposed to take me to the bus station so i could get home, which is simple enough, but I didn't know which train stop to get off at. I got off at one that SOUNDED right, and walked around town for a good hour before stopping and asking for help. I looked silly with my pillow in hand. I got back on the train and went down for a good while before getting off. I was, once again, short of my stop, but learned I was only one stop away, but with only an hour and 30min left to get there. My ticket had run out of time, so I had to buy a new one, and while that was happening, a train came and went. Great. So, finally a new train came around and brought me to the actual train station, with only 45 min left to get to my bus. But, once again, I was lost and had NO clue where to go. Chelsea was freaking out cause she didn't want me to miss my bus again, and right when I was about to give up and ask someone, I turned a corner and saw the greyhound building. SUCCESS! So, as I walked the final stretch of my quest, something weird happened. You know those guys that make you answer a riddle before you can pass? I kind of got one of those. He said, 'let me ask you this. What is the secret to your success?'. I looked at him. I looked at myself and the stuff I carried. And then I looked back at him and said "I don't have any success". I then gave him a sob story of why I couldn't give him money, because I didn't know if I had any left to get home (lie). He said sorry, and I felt like I answered that riddle quite well, bought my bus ticket and left for home.

Oh, and I fucked alot!

..... hello?

I want to say I feel bad for not having blogged in so long, but I don't. As it stands, the only one whos asked me why I dont blogg is kyle, but thats cause he'll find any reason to bitch.

No, the real reason I haven't blogged is because, I just really havent had time. When school let out and I started waking up early, I found that my days were ENDLESS! Wake up, play WoW, hang out with friends, come home play games, go get food, then sleep. But around the time I A) got a job and B) started going out with chels, my days have been not so endless. At that point it was wake up, go see chelsea, go to work, sleep. Don't get me wrong, this was awesome and I enjoyed every minute of it (minus the work part), but because of it I barely saw any of my friends. I havent seen Lisa in forever, and i'm sure John thinks I'm dead or something, that jizabell fuck.

Last night, me and chelsea tried out webcam. It was cool, and I was pretty happy to see her face again, but the distinct lack of hugs made it feel..... I don't know. It wasnt the same. Next week, if all goes well, I make the drive up to Dallas to see her and spend the weekend with her. The getting there part I'm fine with, even the going over there part is ok to me. But it's the coming back. I never pay attention when I'm coming BACK from somewhere, and while I know how to get to Dallas just fine, I'm not sure how to get back. Also, I know the pain and heartache of having to go back will make the drive even harder. Which I'm not looking forward to.

I havent felt much like a 'gamer' lately. I'm starting to feel more and more like a person that just really likes video games, and that is something that is a huge bother to me. Everything I play it's because my friends play it. So, I'm not actually choosing what I play. I just choose it because I know I'll get to hang out with friends more or be less left out. Oh well

While I haven't actually wrote anything in awhile, thanks to the complete and utter boredom I get at work, I have wrote new stories, but once again, nothing has gone from pen to paper, which is discouraging. Alot of what I've done lately is discouraging. I feel like it's now or never in my life. I either do something now, get stuff done, or forever be stuck with a job I don't like in a place I hate. I'm hoping for a hurricane to come, because then it's an excuse to move somewhere else and start at a new school. It also gives me an excuse to not live at home. A hurricane right now would be a blessing, strangely enough. At this point, I don't care too much about anything I have. I just need my car and some gas in it, and I'll be set.

My parents aren't talking to each other again. I'm really afraid I'm going to come home one day and one of them just wont. But maybe it's for the better. If neither of them are happy in their relationship, maybe it should end. I don't know. Me and chelsea never argued. That's semi a lie. We would argue about whats better, cupcakes or just cake. We argued about who got to drive, though that eventually just led to me driving because I like driving. We argued over what kind of cat we would get, and eventually settled on "fluffy". We also argued on whether or not she was going to pay for me for food, because I really hate it when she does that, but one hug or a kiss on the cheek always ended the argument, as I was rendered helpless with hearts flying all around me.

See a trend here? I've never been mad at her for anything, never felt like I didn't want to be with her anymore, never been emberassed by her. I'm almost sorry that most of this blog ended up being about her, but considering that for the last 2 months she has been pretty much what I wake up to go do, I don't care. If this blog really is supposed to be about my life, then I'm surprised two whole entries weren't already about her. I know its mushy and shit, but fuck..... I really miss her.

Let's try and change the subject.

This is actually kind of difficult.....

Still trying.....

School. I haven't given it much thought. I still have a bit to do and not much time to do it in. That's bad. Secretly, I'm really worried I might not go this semester. But to be 100% totally honest, I'm not worried that I wont get to go. I'm worried that I wont get to go and then I have to hear my parents bitch about it. Now don't get me wrong, I do want to go and start this long ass process of going to various classes and puzzling them together to prove that I'm somehow cut out for some job. I wish even more that it wouldn't take 4+ years to finally be making the kind of money that I deserve. And believe me, I do deserve that money.

I'm probably going to quit krogers soon. I don't enjoy working there at all. My favorite part is, ironically, the part everyone else seems to hate. But its because I don't have to deal with people. One of my (5) managers seems to think otherwise, because he wont let me have headphones in. I hate him. Hes fat. His name is Mr Garcia. The other one is Mr Jim. He essentially reminds me of my ROTC instructor from junior year. I hated that guy, and I hate this guy. The other one is Ms Judy. Shes cool. Sort of. She just follows the rules, but not tongue and cheek like those other two. But shes nice. Shes probably the only reason I still have a job right now. The other two managers I don't know the names of, and don't plan on making a point to do so.

Oh right, back to the me quitting krogers. As nice as Ms Judy is, I wish she had let me get fired. I'm applying for Office Depot, something I think will be a more pleasent experience, if only for the fact that less people go there then krogers. But I don't know if they'll hire me, simply for the fact that I haven't worked at kroger that long, and if kroger gives me a bad name (which they will) my chances of getting that job decrease significantly.

I really enjoy MVC2. But I'm not good at it. I'm stuck at that level of being better then people who just started or play casually, but not good enough to beat people who are actually good. I'm barely over that line in SF4, but every now and then even that proves false.

I've just learned something humorous to me. My brother has been set up on a blind date at Starbucks. Lets go through a few things, huh?

Today i've come to the realization that my brother is more immature then me. And I wholeheartedly blame WoW for that. WoW seems to lagg behind the internet in funniness by 3 years, because he's saying things that I typed back in the day. This is a problem.

Next realization. Who the fuck goes on a date at starbucks. If she chose the place, I'm sorry to say my brother may not do so well. I know the kinds of people that go to starbucks, and they aren't my brother's type. Needless to say, this will be interesting.

Final realization. After 21, how do you tell a girl you live with your parents? It was pretty easy for me to tell my gf I live with my parents, cause, you know, she still lived with hers. But him? I'm not sure what will be better, if she lives with her parents, or if she lives by herself. Either way.....

Ugh. I've done alot of typing. And since everyone else did their art of kyle, heres mine.

Locking my doors.

Gotta make this quick, work in 30min.

So, I get to Target with one goal in mind. Get pizza. I buy said pizza, and as I'm walking out the door, I drop my keys. I have 2 pizzas in my hand and a cup, so its a bitch to pick up. A short girl, looks 16, notices I'm having trouble and asks if I need help. I saw her earlier, she was outside when I was walking in. Meaning, she was coming in and leaving as fast as I would. And she didn't buy anything.

I make my thank yous and start walking away, when she asks me if she can ask me a question. Which is already a question, but what ever. She asks me my age, and is surprised when I say 18. I try to keep it at that when she asks if she can say one more thing. She says shes out of town and want to know where she can go to do stuffs. I tell her, kemah, galveston or go deeper into webster. Conversation over, I'm leaving

NOPE, she wants to know IF I CAN GIVE HER A RIDE! I tell her sorry, I have work and she asks where I work. I say Kroger, she asks where that is. I give her a very very vague direction, and she asks if she can go with me. I'm scared now.

I say sorry, I have to go home first and that my mom would not be pleased if I brought a stranger and she says "Oh.... ok.... Sorry for the questions."

I walk away as fast as I can with out it be noticeable, and lock my doors as fast as I can. And now I'm home, scared to get dressed for fear shes right outside looking at me....

Sausage Bisctuits!

Today, I woke up to find an annoyance. My mother took the power cords to the modem and router.

Well FUCK!

I know why she did it. Because I didn't clean my room. What am I, five? What's funny is, I did clean my room. Just not to her standards. I'm convinced that, she doesn't want me to clean my room, what she really wants is for me to get a 1,000 dollars, then buy new furniture and decorations and make my room nice and purdy. She just doesn't realize it. So I've stopped attempting to clean my room for her. If I see theirs food or trash, I'll throw it away. But if my clothes are on the ground, they'll get up when it comes time to wash. The cords will go away when I need to use them and the hangars will hang when my clothes get washed.

Anyways, the reason I'm able to talk right now is A) Skipping the rest of the story that is my day and B) My brother was looking for a power plug to fit the Modem and router, and found one for the modem. But not the router. Which means I have internet, he doesn't. HILLARIOUS!

ok wait, I have to stop what I'm saying to say this. Something disgusting just happened to me. I had food in my mouth and was going to wash it down with some good ol' lemonade, when the food fell into the straw and came right back up. The feeling was.... disgusting.

OK THEN, so after I saw no internets, I decided to.... stay in bed. Then I saw my DS. With Harvest moon in it. There goes any and all productivity for the day.

So, I stayed in bed from 1:00-4:00 playing Harvest Moon and texting Chelsea. For the record, I now have a chicken (that almost died) a baby chicken, 4 rows of potatoes that already ripened and got sold, 2 rows of cucumbers that have ripened twice each, going on third, and I'm about to buy a cow.

I hate myself.

After chelsea said we might be able to do something, I decided to get up. Mainly for the fact that, my brother had my car and I enjoy that car. So I get up, go switch cars, only to find out I have 2 hours till I can see her. No big deal. Just going to play Street Figh- OH RIGHT, NO INTERNET. Oh well. We'll make due. So, I got some new colors today.

I head on over there and meet her cousins once more, who are nice folk. But not folk, cause they're people. I think. I'm going to stop this before it gets out of hand.

We watched 2 and a half movies. I say a half because, Knowing fucked up halfway through. There was a huge chip on the disk. The other two movies were Push (which was actually really good, but apparently I was the only one who had enough inference power to know what was going on) and Ghost something or other. I don't know, it was a comedy and had a british guy. It was pretty good. But once again, I was the only one who knew what was going on.

After that I came home, to learn of my brother's mini adventure. Then I got food. Now I'm typing. I feel like typing more, so here's some things that have been on my mind.

I really want chinese food. I don't care if its bad or good, I just WANT it. NOM NOM NOM.

I'm really happy right now, where I'm at. But that frightens me. Every time I finally get happy, finally get set and in a good position, life comes and fucks it all up. I feel like when I wake up, something is going to come along and ruin everything, like it does every time. But every other time, theirs always been something that could do that. And while their is something that can do it this time, I don't see it happening. But theirs still that..... doubt. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or stupid. I just don't want this feeling to end....

All the cool kids are doing it.

Taylor talked about how he blogged today, and I felt guilty. Like, I should blogg more. Or at all. So, here we go.

Today, I woke up with what was the worst pain I have ever felt in my stomach. So, I did what any normal person would do if their stomach hurt. I went to take a poop.

That didnt work.

Ok, so from that point I just sort of lied there, in the most akward position imaginable for the pure and simple reason that, my stomach didn't hurt when I lied like that. I did this for a good 4 hours. Eventually, I manned up enough to go get some tums (or off brand tums) and decided I wanted to go play WoW. So, I did. With the pain there, but slowly getting better as I farted and burped all the pain away. Then I got hungry, and decided to eat the left over pizza.

Bad idea. The pain came back as strong as ever. Copy paste what I did the first time around, but lessen the time, and thats what happened. I finally decided "Fuck this" and went to my brothers room to play L4D. I did that for a good hour, and when I was done, realized the pain was gone. It was also 4:00, which meant I had TAG in 2 hours, and no car. So, I drove my mom's truck to give him that so I could have my car (and by god, do I hate my mother's truck) and arrived. The meeting was on par with all the others, but I feel like we all are drifting apart, and TAG is the only real thing keeping me in touch with Lisa. Taylor I atleast hang out with every now and then. But I haven't seen Jason in awhile. I dont know, maybe its just me.

Last week was one of the best weeks I've had in awhile. TAG was awesome, monday I got real close to an old friend (Her name's Chelsea by the way)and thursday we ended up together, which was unexpected and awesome at the same time. Friday I saw Transformers 2 with her. Wednsday I went in for my interview (and got the job) and then went to see Chelsea at work. Thursday I spent the entire day playing WoW, something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I know theirs more, but just so much happened, I don't remember it all. Heck, I'm not even 100% sure that the days I've listed correspond properly with what actually happened. I don't remember if I hung out with taylor/kris/john last week, or the week before. Was it last week we stayed up and played Starcraft? I think so.....

Tomorrow I have to go to bed at the times normal people do, so I can drive to Pearland at 9AM in the morning and do my orientation. The lady wants me to do it down there because I'm one of the few new employees that wont be working at one of those stores, so I get to make the long drive. Poop.

Well, I'm gonna go to Whataburger now, as it's past 11:00, and they're serving breakfast. Mmmmmmm Sausage Biscuits.....