An explanation.

I feel like I need to explain, to myself, just why this christmas is different from the last, aside from age and the fact that I have a girlfriend.

I have nothing to do right now. For the past four years, every christmas eve I would literally stay up all night playing one game and just not sleeping. Something I was hoping to do again this year. Last year it was, I think, a combination of WoW and COD:WAW. The 3 years before that, most likely WoW. Possibly even the year before those, not sure.

Anyways, this year I have nothing to play. No game to extend my reach to the masses, no chat to dwelve into, nothing. And I hate it. What I hate even more is how great of a time I had today. Which sounds fucked up, I know. This is how my day went.

I woke up, talked to my mom, got ready, wrapped gift and left. We got to chels's house and exchanged gifts while her two little cousins (I think?) got their gifts and just had fun. Gifts were exchanged between their family and then we went to church. After church we just sort of lounged around and then went to a member of her family's house where assorted cousins, uncles and grandparents were (grand parent?) where we talked, ate, talked some more and gifts were once again exchanged. And then I got to play DJ hero. But aside from that, I did not touch a console. Which is weird for me, because this is how my christmas eve usually goes.

Wake up, get on game until the next day, only stopping to help my mom cook or to talk to brother when they arrived and have them join in on the game playing. Other then that, I pretty much don't do anything. And for me to this year go out and actually do what seems like normal families do is alien to me. Whats worse, I enjoyed myself. I had a good time, no, a GREAT time.

The only down side is I now no longer have her by my side. And with that, I have no game to play. Nothing to keep me awake through the dead of night so that the taunt of knowing I have to wake up at 7 or 8, and not too later so that I miss presents and not too early so that I can't wake them up and not have to go back to sleep, thats not there. I can just play and play and play and when I feel like looking at the clock and seeing, oh hey I have a few hours left, lets do a BG to kill the time, or I can do a raid and leave halfway through if I want. Or even not noticing until my mom wakes up to cook. I don't have that. I have to go back to sleeping and hope I don't sleep too late. Or if I can even fall asleep at all.

New nerd rant, yay!

Let's talk about sleep.

I love sleep. If for only one reason I'm not afraid of death, it's because if there is no after life, I'm completely content with just sleeping for forever. If I didn't have friends or a girlfriend, I'd be completely fine with never having to wake up. On the bad side, I've gained what I'm getting increasingly sure of is a bad habit, if not an unhealthy one.

No matter what time I go to bed at night, I won't wake up till 2:00 PM unless woken up. Tuesday night I was dead tired, I had woken up at 9:00 (after going to bed at 3:00), driven to the galleria, was downtown till like, 8, came home and fucked, then chels went home and I went to bed at like, 9 or 10. And I was dead tired. I was supposed to go to her house for a bit, but I was falling asleep and it was way too unsafe for me to drive anymore. So I passed out, literally. I don't remember anything after kissing her goodnight as she walked to her car. I remember texting her in the morning, not knowing what time it was, thinking i was going to stay up, and then passing out again. That was at like, 8:00. Then at magical time, lisa texted me about game night and I somehow told her I would go. I don't remember doing that, but I knew I had said I would go. Then at 2:00 I woke up.

It's always 2:00. ALWAYS.....

I've had days where I knew it was unimportant, and knew I was going to see chels at like, 5:00 so I wanted to go to bed late and sleep till she came over. So, I'd go to bed at like 5:00 and then I would wake up at 2:00 and be completely rested. Fuck you, body. Right now, theirs no reason for me to be up. But you know what time I'm going to get up? 2:00. yaaaay. Lets see if we can see where this began.

Back in the day, I remember bragging cause I had stayed up till 12:00. This was like, 4th grade. Fuck you, 4th grade me. Then, in like 5th grade, I remember bragging about staying up all night long. That was fun. Then we would try it again and pass out around 2:00. Thats what time I go to bed normally, now. Around the time I started playing WoW, well thats when it got bad. I'd stay up really fucken late. I'm pretty sure thats how all this truly began.

This post is really just fueling my addiction to staying up and sleeping. Tomorrow I have literally nothing to do, I'll probably just go over to jasons and make remarks of the sexual kind, then do innappropriate things to kris when he isn't looking.

On this note, I don't think you people realize just how horrible of a person I am. For the most part, I don't talk, but the numerous upon numerous of horrible looks I recieved from lisa, daniel and taylor today really reminded me of that.

Not john though, johns cool.

Not you kris

Oh wait, kris doesn't read this blogg.

So this one time, kris found a magic apple. The apple asked him "What is one thing you really want right now?" and Kris said "Holy shit, you can talk! I wanna be like you!" but the apple mistook him and turned him into an apple, instead of magic. Then kris had to convince a girl to kiss him and he would turn into a prince, but instead she ALSO turned into an apple, and they both went into a swamp and found an alligator that sings and also wanted to be human again, and it was all one big racist thing towards black people. Then Disney got ahold of it and changed EVERYTHING OF MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION!

Shit, I'm becoming taylor.

I love keith. (kieth? kethe? Pretty sure that first one is right.) He really does live the life I want to. You guys make fun of me for it, but I really am one big child. I love playing with legos, I like to shoot nerf guns, I play video games all the time, I'm excited I got a sword, I love candy, I'm a big fucken kid. And I don't care. My girlfriend is the same way. And when we move in, we're just gonna have toys everywhere and play all the time. It will be fun.

This thread is getting off topic. So I'm gonna talk about the even further progression of myself in SF4.

I watched some videos of my playing around thanksgiving time, and even now I can see so much improvement in myself. Kara throwing on it's own has improved my game by quite a bit. Also, walking up to someone as they're getting up and getting in a "meaty" attack (which is using the start up frames of your move while they're getting up so that as soon as they're attack-able, you immediately hit them or they block. That way if they try and grab or attack with something that doesn't have invinceable frames, they'll get hit) is seriously one of the best things anyone could have taught me. Before that, me and probably everyone else can only think of one way to get in.

Jump in.

In all reality, jumping in is the WORST way to get in, mainly because you're giving up your ability to block. Walking in is great because it's so unexpected, especially walking up and grabbing, which ken does best BECAUSE of kara throw. Fireball xx FADC is a pretty bad way to get in with ken because his fireball is kinda shitty. If you get the spacing right, jumping in for a cross up is nice if only because it sets you up for a few things.

A)Cross up hits.

B) Cross up is blocked, but the blockstun lasts long enough for you to get in the rest of the combo. Sometimes they don't block low and you get the combo anyways.

C) If they do block low, you continue the combo, then tick throw with kara throw.

D) if they know kara throw, you bait it, then make them eat a SRK, and start the mix up game all over.
E)If they're getting used to you continuing the combo, just grab right after the blocked cross up.

F) Or you can change the combo a little bit, making it shorter or longer, and grab at different times.

G) Fake a cross up and hit forwards

H) Do the ambiguous cross up (see here) which can really confuse people, and make them make dumb decisions

I) Just dont do anything and let them try to reversal you.

Theirs so many options here, where only a short time ago all I could think of was hopefully hit them or hit them while blocking until they get far enough away to try again.

FADC ultra is like NOTHING to me now. I'm trying to learn a new link that not many people do because it's tough, but then again not many people do FADC ultra with ken cause it's tough also, so knowing that makes me feel good. I wanna be able to pull out stuff that no one knows about and fuck shit up.

I can't wait to get back online and see where I'm at. It's exciting. I learned so much from this one tournament.

Also, theirs no TP in this bathroom. FUCK

Let's talk about being a gamer.

A rant before I wander off into sleep, and because theirs some good music playing and I don't want it to go to waste. Let's start from something I believe to be essential. Where it all began.

Out of pure spite and also admirance of my brothers. What you people know of to be the people I call my brothers used to be completely different. In that, they were dicks. And in being dicks, they were also my "parents", as my real parents were never truelly around. So, watching them play games, thats what I wanted to do. I'm a gamer by inheritance, and therefore by nature. Either because I just wanted to piss them off by occupying the system when they had just rented a game, or because I had just rented a game and knew they were only just occupying the system, I had a strong desire to play. Which soon created an even stronger desire to win.

When the SNES was out, there was a huge lack of multiplayer games, an even bigger lack of competitive games, and an even further gap of multiplayer competitive games that I was competent at. The N64, in a sense changed this, and with that came about the almost NEED to become the best. Though, you could never show it. You could never boast you were the best with out being somewhat ironic, otherwise you were "taking it too seriously", though everyone knew just how important it was to be the best. Or maybe that was just me, being the smallest and having to prove myself in any way shape or form. Either way, 007, mario kart 64, smash bros, and many more all reset the proving grounds of who had their moment of fame in the house that night. Who could sleep more soundly knowing that the others couldn't. Who could get bragging rights to the console next so that they could get in more time so that they could get better. In a sense, even though I didn't grow up in the arcade scene the way others did, I still had that idea of "if you win, you keep playing". In short, you really had to want it.

Lets fast forward into the future. I'll keep this as less about street fighter 4 as possible, so lets start with my brother Joshua, and smash bros. Before Luis left the house and began the sepperation of us all, the order in Smash bros, and therefore of all games, or so it was perceieved, was Josh, Luis and then myself. We could all argue otherwise, but once it game down to controllers being in hand, thats how it truely played out. After awhile, I became second, but somehow, SOMEHOW, my brother joshua remained 1st. Even though he was the only "non gamer", and I have yet to this day to figure out how he did that. Now adays thats changed, if only because he barely touches the game, but then again neither do I. So who knows.

On the note of smash bros, I like many other fighting game enthusiasts do not take it seriously enough. This is sort of a sub-story to my entire rant but this is how it goes down. Smash players (both melee and brawl) don't take any other fighter seriously. Everyone else doesn't take smash seriously. It's actually really amusing. Of course, I side with the non smash, though I will say that melee is much better of a competitive game then brawl is. On this same note, just because you play Brawl does NOT make you a gamer. Onto my next rant, non-ganers who play games.

Playing Halo does not make you a gamer. Playing MWF2 does not make you a gamer. Playing GoW does not make you a gamer. These all make you a bro gamer, or what ever derogatory term you want to use at the time. Playing Smash, along with all of these, does not make you a gamer either. Well, brawl anyways, you can have your fits with Melee since this is done on a much lesser scale with melee and has nothing but elitists fucks who think they're the shit. Brawl is nothing more then one giant fanservice. Ironically, many "gamers" who play brawl are also the same people who played one or two sonics on either the GCN or Dreamcast and entranced them so much that they made themselves a sonic character. Read: furry. Or even just anime nerds. Somehow brawl attracts them also. Either way, these people are not gamers, they are just people who like one game, know the history of other games (read:JRPGS) but don't know the joy of beating a final boss. Don't know the joy of anything in those games aside from the story. Bah to them, I say! Though, they did find one game that they enjoy the gameplay of. One that caters to the new, the young, the un experienced, in short, a game dumbed down by those who thought they deserved a chance at high stake wins with out wanting to put in all the time and practice. Sound familiar Blizzard?

I won't even get into how pissed I get when WoW players think themselves of "hardcore" gamers. Come back 5 years ago, and maybe. But now it's no different then buying shit off of popcap, or getting a DS game/Wii game.

While we're onto this topic of "real gamers" i want to say this. REAL GAMERS ARE NOT PEOPLE YOU CAN MARKET TO!! I hate seeing shirts and things of games that obviously everyone has played, being marketed to "gamers" when really anyone can wear them and not feel dumb. This is a stupid trend that started four years ago, and at the time was cool. We had a way to sepperate ourselves normally. But then everyone started doing it. Being a gamer became "trendy". And you know what real gamers did? We said "fuck that". At this point I'll just be restating what many have said in that, we did not go years being social outcasts to just let everyone be apart of us. No. You have to work just like we did. You have to know your shit. I don't care if you know the konami code. I've never had to use it and I don't know it. Tell me what the boss order and name of the bosses in SMRPG are. Or tell me what the feather does in Zelda, any of them. Tell me why knowing how to do a hadouken or srk is useless info with out textbooks worth of other knowledge. Explain to me the frustration of having shaman gear drop as alliance. What are all of the robot masters weaknesses, in ANY of the megamans. Shit, most of us only ever got one. These make us who we are.

By the way, making something new for gamers, then marketing it at us and saying "all gamers are doing it" is a quick way to get us not to do something. We hate conforming, All of us. I don't know why. Ironically, we also have fanboyisms. If other gamers are doing it and we're not already, then we're not going to do it. What, you got a sega? I hate sega. No I have never played it, but I don't have it, so therefore it sucks. And so do you.

Unrelated, why did the batteries in rumble packs last for years with no replacing? Always confused me. I've been playing alot of old games lately, if only for nostalgia. I'm playing SMRPG right now, and to be completely honest, I'm only doing it so I can hear it's music. I know how everything goes down (for the most part, everynow and then theirs something I've forgotten and I get kinda pissy) but I'm only doing it because I love the music and I just wanna get to the next part to hear some good ole fashioned Square. Also been trying to beat all of the megamans. It's funny, really. I've gotten to the point where I beat Megaman X just because I can. In maybe 2 hours. I did it with the arcade stick just because i wanted to be able to say that i could. And I beat it with 100%, meaning I got every secret item etc. etc. But any of the others? Aw, fuck no. Fuck wily. Why is he more difficult then a robot virus thingy? Fuck him. Fuck is robot masters. I LIKE robot masters shaped like animals.

Also, I predict CAPCOM to be the next EA, or Activision or any other giant gaming corporation. Yeah they're already big but I know they're gonna try and dominate every genre they can.

I'm going to bed now.

I'm dying here.

I've gone a total of four days with out playing Street Fighter. This was not that big of a deal until today. All the other days, I probably wouldn't have played anyways due to studying. But now? From 4-now, I have had nothing to do. I got my Wii back and as soon as I plugged that in I thought "This will last maybe 6 hours." It's 11:30. I can't hold that damned GCN controller anymore. I want an arcade stick on my lap. I want to play TVC on it, if I'm going to play something. I want to play SF4. Soooo bad.

Heres a little history of me. I have an addictive personality when it comes to video games. Back when we had the N64 and SNES, I would always be playing either Super Metroid, Megaman X, Star Fox 64 or Golden Eye. Later on when smash came out, that was it for me. Only that game, nothing else. When the GCN came out, I knew if I picked up smash it would consume me. So I played and beat Pikmin first. Then smash. Up until when Sonic Adventure 2 battle came out, thats all I played. Then it was the Chao garden for me from like, 5th grade to 8th. Sure there were other games, but I don't remember them. Either I played smash or SA2B. Then we got a computer.... oh sweet jesus. Battle Field 1942 came with our computer, then shortly after that Vietnam came out. If I couldn't find a server on one, I played the other. This went on for a good year.

Then one fateful day for some damned reason, all the servers were done. Something about maintenence. It wasn't tuesday.... so my brother had an idea. "Play this game." he says. I would later find out this was the most assholish move anyone could ever do to me.

Four years. Four fucken years of this damned game. It wasn't even fun the fourth year, but I kept playing. I couldn't stop. The first two years were.... not pretty. Third got bad at a point also. Fuck WoW. I hate it, but love it. I want to play again. But I know if I do, it'll be shit. Because it's a shit game. Too many gimmicks, not enough game. Fuck.

I wish I could say by my own will I stopped playing. But really the game just sucked too much for me to want to play it anymore. Same old shit. Once I figured out what order to do moves for a new class it once again became 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. But not Street Fighter....

This is my new addiction now. And unless KOTOR is fucking godly, I don't see that stopping. I want to be good, no, GREAT at this game. I want to be great at ALL capcom fighting games. But how can I do that with no 360?

This sucks.... I want to play WoW. I want to play street fighter. I want to just.... not be bored. I'm so damned bored.

I know tonight is going to be another sleepless night of me frantically hitting refresh on twitter and forums. Then I'm going to get woken up bright and early, like all of this fucken week. I want a not broken car. I want to go to planet zero.

Man I'm a whiny prick.

I'm gonna take another shower and try to sleep again.

Woops....

So, I had this awesome plan that when I got home, I was going to start blogging again for BEDD. Which doesn't really exist but uh.... yeah.

December is looking to be a fun month. Sort of. Lets see how all of this works out. Ehh....

Since I missed the first day, I'll just blog twice today. That works, right? Yeah, yeah it does.

I don't have much to say for today. Just at jasons, probably late, playing MWF2. This weekend will prove interesting.

Also, my computer has been making weird sounds. Also going to see how this works out.

Nostalgic son of a bitch.

I just went through and read everyone's blogg history. About halfway through jason's I started wondering "Why?" and then it hit me. I was doing it purely to attempt to relive highschool.

Taylor's and Jason's were by far the most enjoyable, if only for pure length. It seems like Jason talked about shit that no one but him understood, so I didn't get as much from that as hearing Taylor horribly warp what actually happened that day into what he wanted to happen.

Kyle seemed to be the best about typing the facts, but because he joined late, fuck kyle I love him. I'm just now realizing I didn't read Lisa's, so I'll be right back.

Read through Lisa's blogg and it appears she has the same syndrome Jason did.

I'm not bashing anyone's blogg, I'm just.

Actually I don't know what I'm doing. I'm happy to say that this isn't so much true with my life. I mean, I know what I'm doing RIGHT now......I think. I'm blogging. But why so late? I'm pretty sure this is a blogg to myself. I'm also pretty sure I'm confused.

I just slept on a bus for 3 hours. I love visiting chels, and I love the time I'm with her, but this travelling is killing me. I already slept so I cant sleep, and when I go to see her I'm sleep deprived, so right now I'm actually sleep deprived, but my body doesn't know that because it just slept, so right now I'm feeling it pretty bad.

I got SF4 for the comp. The only problem is that on everything at low settings and my comp at max settings, I can only get 55 FPS. The game is SUPPOSED to run at 60 FPS consistently. I'm hoping your limited knowledge of computers can do the math there. Also, when my comp gets tired, the game goes down to 13 FPS, which makes me want to kill myself. I also can not see my health bar, which is stupid. I'm not turning this into another SF4 blogg, but I wanted this so I could basically play where ever I go, and thats turning into a not so much, right now. Poop

Back to reading everyones bloggs.

I miss you guys. Jason kept calling me over the weekend, and I felt horrible that I couldn't hang out with him. I mean, he's leaving soon and I really did want to go with him to do stuffs. It would have been really fun. Jason, when you read this, this weekend we're doing something. We are. Mark it up on your calendar. Its going to be the weekend-o-fun. Everyone else is invited. Except Kyle.

I hate to sound gay by saying this, but I'm excited about Winter Break on the count that Kyle is coming back. We gets to see our bestest bestest friend again, and love him and hold him and make him know that.....

sorry. But yeah, I mean, hes fucking Kyle Czarnekasndfjdsfljscnsdkf-ee. Kyle "Hardest fucken last name to spell" _Insert Last Name_

I don't know how I'm doing in class. I'm turning stuff in but I mean, theirs atleast one thing I haven't turned in in every one of my classes. I missed an entire essay in English, but I think I just aced a test. In History I missed the first assignment, so I'm worried about that. Math, well I flunked the first test but shes dropping it, so eh. And I can't get my grades because the system is stooped. BLAH!

I might go to the renn fair in 2 weeks. Kinda excited about that. Except that apparently its expensive and I have no money. And what money I will get is going to customizing my stick thingy mabob.

Oh, I'm customizing my stick thingy mabob. I figured it will take about 25 bucks. 18 for the buttons and the rest towards sticking print paper and spray paint. Probably more then 25, but eh, I'll figure it out later. Right now I'm worrying about the buttons. Chels is going to order them and I'll pay her back, and I'm going to do it over there with her helping. Oh right, not a SF4 blogg.....

I have a bunch of applications that i KEEP FORGETTING TO FILL OUT!!

It's not laziness and it's not that I don't want a job. I'll be all "OH hey, I want a job lets fill those suckers out" and then lifes like "FUCK YOU, SOMETHING ELSE NEEDS TO BE DONE" So I'll fly into the air and fight a giant dragon demon thing, but the city wont pay me because I did just as much damage fighting the dragon as the dragon did on its own. Dicks.

What?

Oh right, nostalgia. I've always been a nostalgic. I keep a box of fucken 6th grade notes from girls I don't even talk to anymore, just because it helps chronocolize my life. I used to keep love messages from a girl that I don't even talk to anymore just because when I "loved" her, it was a huge deal and is part of who I am today. I deleted them though, which for some stupid reason was hard. Eh, it felt good. Most of the reason I listen to music is because right now when I hear songs from way back when I can tell when I first and last listened to them profusely and once again, map out my life with them. I like finding new bands cause it's like I can start a new chapter that better helps to map my life.

I think I'm going to UTD next year. I'm not sure how its going to work though. But I sealed the deal in my mind by knowing and thinking a few things. First off

Chelsea failed to mention earlier that theirs a creative writing major over there. That would have been helpful to know.

I figure I can just take any class I think sounds fun and what ever ones I didn't enjoy wont be apart of what I'm going to do.

I really do want to get back into drawing.

I think I/we have gotten into the point of our relationship where its no longer just lovey dovey stuff. We can finally get on each other's nerves and be ourselves and see who we actually are, and to be honest, if this is all I'll have to "deal" with in the future, I'm lucking out. It's nothing that a few explenations and rational talks can't smooth over. I think we just need to understand each other a little better and, while no relationship is perfect, we wont be at each others throats.

Thats not to say that we are now. But I can tell there were times where she was annoyed with me and I with her, but it was simply because of lack of communication due to, which is funny, caring about the other way too much. Only one instance did that not apply, but it was still due to lack of communication.

Now I'm fucken dr phil to myself.

We all need to hang out one day, play some smash or watch Jason die at Bioshock before handing it to taylor again.

I'm really enjoying SMBC lately. It just has not been not funny for so long. Have they ever made a shitty comic? Since I can't sleep I might go check.

I think I'm going to end my post here.

My life, as it were.

So here I am, 4 a fucken clock in the morning, doing nothing but staring at my moniter. I just spent a good 2 hours watching SF4 vids. Before that? Well, playing Brutal Legend for awhile (more on that later) but before THAT, played SF4. My days seem pretty linear. Go to class, come home, play SF4, go back to class, come home, play SF4, my brother comes home, play something else, sleep. Wake up and rinse, lather, repeat.

The only days this changes is if I have a test, or homework, in which case that takes place in either sleep time or the time inbetween classes that I play SF4. Other then that, nothing changes until the weekend.

My weekends are one of the two.

Wake up, get to bus station, sleep on bus, see gf for 4 days and what ever happens happens. I also get laid every night during this time.

Or, I wake up and play SF4 until hunger sets in at which case I play SF4 while eating.

This game has consumed me. And I blame Kyle/Jason. Lets explain why for both.

Way back when school was ending and we all just hung out for shits and giggles, one day we all went to Chilli's to see our good ole pal Chase. But whats this? Chase has something giddy to share with us (jason). A new installation to a game I haven't heard about since my days of waiting for my turn to use the Playstation is coming out. Street Fighter? Do I remember it? Oh yes, of course I do. I remember trying frantically to do a god damned fireball while my brother danced around me sending me sky high or dropping me to the floor. Fuckers. Why would I expect this one to be any different?

So the game comes out and on basically a daily basis we go over to Jason's to play. The memorys of me and kyle going at it while fucken awesome music in the background portrays the seriousness of our battles still run frantically through my mind, a memory that is just as fond as those of me hoping to get the next piece of tier 1, or me racing along with thousands of others to hit 70 first. The learning curb was.... steep. I remember when me kyle and jason went to the tournament at Game Crazy only to have our asses handed to us by someone who could actually execute the fucken moves. I remember figuring out that if I just parried kyle's fucking punch thing, I could ultra his ass and get him off my nuts. I remember when kyle learned he could combo into his ultra, so I couldn't stay near him. And I remember when everyone finally had moves down. Now it was a matter of set ups and combos. Fighting kyle just made me.... so angry. And yet, it gave me a high. Every time I lost I checked what I did, learned not to jump in, learned what moves he spammed. Every time I won I made sure not to play the same way, just incase he was doing what I was. It felt so great. I can still see that look on his face..... I just wanted to beat him, and for him to KNOW i beat him.

I think the first time I decided this was my new addiction was the fateful day we just happened to end up at Planet Zero. After so long of scoffing at the idea of an arcade stick, when Kyle and Jason kept clammering of how GODLIKE it was, I finally had it in my hands. And it was so natural. It just.... felt good. Sure, my reaction was a bit sloppy, and every now and then instead of shoryu I would hado, but either way I had much more control over what I did, and this felt great. I then made it my mission to get one of these things. Fuck, I even got a job to get one of these things (though it was really only part of the reason I got a job.)

Once again, I hit the training stage, and set off to remaster every move I had down. But something happened along the way. I learned low medium kick comboed into hado. I learned shoryu as anti air could hit twice. I learned spamming shoryu was NOT an effective way of winning a match. And cross overs made more sense. Some of this stuff I already had down, but not to the point of reflex. I had to think about it before I did it, and the stuff that WAS reflex was all bad habits, probably gained from shooters.

A few months later and I was finally feeling confident. I was winning the champ mode constantly, and I went to bed that night just feeling like I could take on Daigo himself. But when I awoke, something weird had happened. The night before I gained the title of g2B, something not any mortal man could do. But along with it came the chance of fighting more g2B and ups. And I started losing. How could I, me, possibly be losing this much. At first I was frustrated, but while I was supposed to be doing my news cast, I found myself discussing the game with others and watching videos of better people. Seeing what they could do was enticing, so I picked up the game again only to despair in my inability to even do the correct moves. It was like I just couldnt play. So, I picked up the 360 controller and started all over again. With the controller in hand, I won 4 champs in a row nonstop. What happened? I switched to stick again and could not win. I slowly transitioned myself to win a champ with controller to keep my spirits up, then use stick to not lose those timings. And within a week I hit g2A.

Once I hit G2 A I was feeling great again, but the slump hit me once more. But around that time, the Bar Fights round 2 were happening, and I could finally watch pro ken players in action, something that was just not seen since SF4 came out. I watched and then learned there combos, something that took so much fucken patience. Even now I botch them from time to time, and I'm attempting to learn to lengthen them slowly, when I'm feeling daring or when I know I'm going to lose. I'll just try and pull them out of my ass. And you know what's funny? Sometimes they work and win the match. Its awesome, that feeling of losing and then pulling something from nowhere only to have it save you. Once that happens, you feel like you can do it at anytime.

There are times when I have what I call "the zone", and I assume its what pros just have constantly. The ability to just read your player, know what they're going to do, take huge risks knowing you have a great chance of coming out on top with it, or just having a good idea of what's going to happen, so you prep mentally for it. At these times it's as if I'm seeing every frame by frame of the game, as if it has stopped completely. I can see blanka starting up his beast roll, or balrog beginning his dashes. I can tell if Ryu is throwing a fireball or tatsuing from the second I see his player make him crouch from not putting in the input fast enough. At other times I'm just playing by memory and act like a fucken tard. I'll just keep jumping in when it obviously doesn't work. I'll try the same combo and get punished horribly for it. Or, a horrible habit from Jason, really just want to end it flashy.

Week after week I can just see myself improve. I can look back and remember when I learned j.mk, c.mk, srk. And then, from that, I learned j.mk, jab, jab, srk. From that, j.mk, c.lk, jab, srk as a mix up incase they dont block low. Or even if the two jabs miss most of the time I can c.mk into a tatsu or hado.

When I'm on point I can string these things together. For ken its all about getting in close. The only reason I hate not having a working 360 is that I can't play SF4 once I wake up, or into the dead of night. But perhaps this is a good thing. I would still be playing right now, even though I have a test tomorrow.

Last weekend chels was telling me how she was going to have alot of homework, so I was going to have to find something to do while she did that. So, she said "Why not bring Street Fighter and hook it up in the lobby, that way people can see you play and come challenge you." See, this is why I love this girl. She has great ideas and she knows what I like. So thats what I did, took my fightstick and my game and while she did homework by my side, I kicked some random people's ass. I did not lose, people. Wish I had a camera to record that shit. Did. Not. Lose. Only one guy I faced actually had the game, and he was fun to fight if only because he blocked cross ups and forced me to mix up my game. Every time I won, I kissed chels for good measure, and played the next guy. There were 6 guys in all, one tekken player who thought for SURE he could beat me (he got one round on me), the other SF guy who also thought for sure he could beat me (Also got a round on me) someone who had a SF2 emu so he thought he was cool (only one I never got a perfect on) and 3 other guys who just loved playing it. Every single one said they were going to buy it and that "in a few weeks we're going to have a rematch". And to be honest? I can't wait. Just talking in between matches about strategys, showing them how to FADC out of projectiles, telling them of the whole Street Fighter scene thats out there that I want to be in. It was so fun. A few other guys who just looked on while they played magic (there was an entire group of people behind us playing magic) would also just yell with excitement when some kind of turn around happen. I'm sure a few of them will also buy the game.

I titled this blogg post "my life, as it were" and I really was going to talk about my life as it is right now. And in a sense, I think I kind of did. Me and chels are doing great, so there is nothing to talk about there. I see her every other weekend, twice in a row this weekend, and I love seeing her and love being with her. But when I'm not with her or with my studies, I'm with street fighter.

Jason introduced me into this competitive world when we saw "I Got Next". Even before that when the guy from CAD linked "Evo moment number 34", the moment I decided to buy SF4. Kyle showed me just how fun it is to have a rival, someone to just go at it with. And this game gave me what I have wanted for so long now. A good one v one competition. When Brawl came out I went with Matt to a melee tournament, and I remember how stressful, and fun it was. When we saw rich win it all, the high was just so great. A few months later at school during the Brawl tournament, I was horribly pissed that I lost, but all I wanted to do was practice and face that fucker again. Second was great and all and its something I can tell people, but first is first. I've always thought of games as the last true honorable form of 1v1 competition, and no other game has given me any substance behind that until this one. Not Smash, not Halo, not COD, the only thing that came close was, funnily enough, Tetris. I've always been really competitive, and this game has also.

Do I want to compete in tournaments? Yes. Do I hope to be the best? Not really. I just want to play. This game is so damned fun, and so much also are the interactions with people behind the matches, in between the rounds, after the whole thing is over with. I just want to go in and have some fun, get better while getting beat. Every now and then I find myself calling someone else cheap and I just have to stop, but down the controller, and go do something else. I then come back remembering why it is I do this. To have fun.

A dying art.

Seems like blogging is dying amongst our group of friends. Perhaps thats for the best. It was really just a way for everyone to make the crude jokes that they could have easily made through any other form of media.

Right now I'm at a crossroad. See, even now while I'm in college, I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up." All I know is that I want to go live with Chels. Sounds simple enough, right? But from the start, I knew I wanted to write. Just recently I've realized that, doing that in another town with out my parents is going to be not only difficult, but down right hard. If I'm going to write, we've already taken out the option of me going to the same school as Chelsea, because they have no programs for it there.

However....

Lately I've been looking at myself and what I've been doing. Every time I set out to do an assignment about halfway through I look around, and decide to blow some steam through some video games. I decided a long time ago, way back in Freshman year, that I would never try to go into game design on the count of that it's just way too cliche. A game nerd going for a game degree? But even in the midst of me having no money, going to college, whisking myself away every two weeks and attempting to have a social life, I still find/make times to set aside and just play games. And I don't mean my recent Street Fighter addiction, either. My brother moved the PS2 back in his room so I've been playing some classics. With the emulater I got, I've been playing SMRPG and I'm finally getting around to beating Chrono Trigger.

My point to that small rant was, not even a month ago I was talking about how I was feeling less and less like a gamer and more and more like someone who just really likes games (aka: Apple). But during my highest time of "stress" (It's not really stress since I have everything under control. Sort of....) I rely on games even more.

The next point to my rant is this. I've been browsing the internets, reading interviews and just looking at the stories of games. I've always said, if I can write a story and it just happens to end up into a game, great. But now I've realized that I can't do that if I don't have any game developing experience. And games offer a way into the media that movies, books, and television never will. I've been trying to convince myself to go into game design, but at the same time I wonder if my own motives are off. Do I actually want to go into game design, or am I just doing that so I can have an excuse to go to the same college as my girlfriend. Or am I just taking the easy way out of a profession that could be potentially difficult.

I'm sort of lost, battling myself. I think my one fear is that I'll get through 2 years of college, see what it is I'm doing and realize I don't want to do that and I'll look back and see what a stupid decision I've made. On the other side of that I don't want to look back when I have no real career and see the huge possibility presented to myself that I passed up cause I was confused.

Would it be too cliche for someone who has always avidly loved video games to suddenly start making them? Or would it really be better if I tried to go for a career in a dying industry that barely pays well, just to do what I love? Or even think I love? I don't know.....

School school school.

This is the first time in awhile I've got to sit down and play some good ole' WoW. And even then, I've got a good hour and thirty minutes to do so. Now, I'm not complaining about how much school sucks or anything like that, as the lack of time to do anything of my own is really my own fault.

For one, I like to sleep. Scratch that, I love to sleep. Sleeping is good, I'd do it for days if I had the option. But I don't, and thats because if I'm not up by 12:00, I'm just not getting an education for the day. This also ties in with my love of staying up late. Put these two together and you have a very groggy me in the morning that even 10 cups of joe cant fix. Nor some actual coffee. Joe doesnt like to shower.

Another block in the road I've hit is that, I don't like to be in town during the weekends. I guess a better way to say this is, I don't like to be home, as sometimes I'm forced to be in town. And the last time I was out of town I got home at 5. AM. Which kind of had me weirded out my first two days back, but what ever.

This was supposed to be alot longer, but I'm too stretched for time to write anymore.

Upon Kyle's Request

Me-Thats not my fault.

Kyle-I blame your infested doughnut (future edit. A donut? Come on....) for my befallen illness! You're the cause of this!

Me-You have no proof, child! You stand before the council and lay blame to me, what proof do we have this is nothing more then your wounded ego's attempt to bring me down!

Kyle-Keep still your tongue! I have only but myself to prove of this foul manner! I will show how you are the one to blame for this brackish attempt to end my life. I will show you!

Me-You show nothing but self placed contempt and hatered! When all is said and done, it is you who they will remember for wrong doing, not me!

Kyle-Do you actually believe you and your higherarchy can not be held accountable for such a reckless attack? Your social status does not shield you from the people, and your false words fall upon deaf ears. I will show them the coward, the tyrant, and the false council.

Me-You will show them nothing of the sort! If you truly believe the council will fall for your treacherous claims of sabatoge and assassination, then you yourself might as well be held accountable for treason.

Kyle- What ludicrous claims! My vision comes clear, this council would be so brash as to call thy claim an act of trason?! How rediculous! Your attempts to end my life will not be silenced, and you will be exposed for the murderous acts of you and the false council!

Me-I have no time for your deception and confusion amongst the council. We're at war! To waste my time with such ludicruos claims in itself is cheating our people!

Kyle-You are only to cheat yourself, council member! What is there to stop you from attacking another fellow civilian? My people will not suffer from this plot to destroy ourselves, through the minds and acts of this false council! I will not lay dying, and let you dictate my people!

Me-Do not dare talk to me about dictation when it was you who clearly let his own run rampant, and punish those not of his loyalty! What reason do I have to kill a council member when here you stand, with much power and control to gain if I fall! These are not children you see before you, but intelligent people! they will not fall for your ruse!

Kyle-Your council is nothing but false hope and lies amongst the people! Your words of loyalty are poison to the people's ears, and your false talk of peace is nothing but a figment of imagination! You will be held accountable for your actions of attempted murder, and you AND your council will be overthrown to make a vacant suitable to rule my people.

Me-I do not wish to fight a battle on two fronts, but if you must insist on such a fake grudge, you will lose. Such a rebellion will be aloud to go quietly, but take note, your followers will be shunned, and any warfare tactics used against us will not go unpunished. GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!

Kyle-Hold yourself! You would decimate the people you serve? As a member of the high council, you are dispicable, and a fool! For a rebellion of my magnitude and rite will rampart through your pathetic military! My people are no longer part of this false empire, and here by now succeed from it. Your words of a "peaceful" rebellion is nothing anyone has ever heard! You would rather let a civil war errupt than settle? Oh! your visions of peace would kill my and your people bu the tens of thousands! You're not a ruler, but a scared child!

Me-DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS! I allow your "rebellion" to go peacefully, and you mock me?! Truly you have a false sense of loyalty these people have of you. I said before i do not want a battle on two fronts, but you are practically asking for it!What leader willingly throws his men to death for a grudge? And you judge ME.....

Kyle-You think this attack is upon currency!? How dare you! Such a claim is stupid and half minded!

Me-Watch your tongue! Now listen here, I have a war to run, and its enough with out meddlers such as yourself running around with such adacious claims! With out me this war is lost, and I wont let some nave out for money disturb me! Yes, I would rather let a few disobediant men leave peacefully then allow my men be sent to their deaths by leaders who had all good intentions. I wont let it happen, and to attempt to stop me iis such hatred as I've never seen.

Kyle-My men would rather fight for a cause to redeem themselves and their generations after them. Event if it ment to sacrifice themselves in the process! You will not win this, council member, and when the time comes, you will be no more, and your words will be hushed by the edge of my blade!

Me-Then so be it. But your grudge will consume you. Remember this. Gaurds! Escort this man away. We are done here......

My weekend

This is less of a blog post and more of a chronicalization for myself. So if you really don't care, then stop reading now. I can't be sure how long this is going to be.

So, lets start at Thursday. Thursday night I decided, I'd get some sleep early since I had to wake up promptly at 6:00 so I could be ready to leave at 7:30. So at around 9:00, I set my alarm and got ready to doze off into dream world. Except, that didn't happen. I didn't want to play games since I knew that would keep me up all night, so I decided to just read instead. That was at about 9:30. At about 12:30, I finished my book. Fuck. I picked up another book, read for another hour, then tried DESPERATLY to fall asleep, at all. My brother got home at about 3:00 and saw I was awake, so I decided to see if some good ole MVC2 would help me sleep. Ironically, it did and 30min later, I tried to go back to sleep, only to hear the buzz of my 6:00 AM alarm.

at 7:30 on the dot, Chelsea's dad showed up and I grabbed my pillow and single bag and began my journey. For the entire week I had worried of how it was going to play out, and the day before chelsea had told me it was ok if I slept or listened to music, cause he said he wouldn't be mad. Now, I've met the guy before even to the point of having a conversation with him, but 5 hours alone in the car with the guy is a bit different. I brought my pillow, not cause I thought I'd need it, I knew Chelsea had a shit load (thanks in part to her mom), but incase I needed to sleep on the way over there. Well, that never happened. We ended up just joking and making fun of things like license plates and houses and poor people the entire way, it was jolly good fun.

At 12:30, right when Chelsea's only class for the day ended, we arrived and took her and her roommate out to lunch. It was kind of an awkward lunch cause, Chelsea and Caitlyn (her roommate) would talk about things me and her dad didn't know about, and then me and her would talk about things her dad and caitlyn wouldn't know about, then her dad and I would talk about things the other two wouldn't know about. No matter what, someone was being left out of the conversation. Oh, and I was still running on 2 hours of sleep.

After lunch, her dad left to go do works stuff, meaning that for the rest of the weekend she was mine. =D We went back to her general area of living and got me unpacked, then exercised our new found freedom. After that we went to eat with some guy named Kyle, who is MUCH cooler then our kyle, and possibly even taller as well. Caitlyn came along also. It was basically him making sex jokes about me and chelsea the entire time, and eventually Caitlyn couldnt resist and joined in on the fun. After that we headed back to the dorms at around 4:00. We had a few hours till the pool party, and while me and chels were watching avatar we kept hearing them play rockband next door. Except, it wasnt next door it was in the living area between all the dorms, so we went out and watched and eventually played, while Caitlyn had the entire other half of the room laughing at random Demotivational posters. After that, someone hooked up their laptop to the TV and we watched the Menergy video, Charlie the unicorn, a few Whitest kids, and other various random internet videos. Some other group wanted to hook up their 360 and have a 'scary movie night', but the only scary movie we watched was something dumb called Shrooms which quickly turned into us constantly making fun of it. Pineapple express was on netflix, but someone else brought Waiting, and since everyone's seen PE, we saw Waiting instead.

Sleepiness procded to take hold of half the room, so we all headed back and went to bed. We didn't wake up the next morning till about 2:00, which is normal for me but apparently late for everyone else. We went to lunch where some guys from the night before met up with us and we talked about blizcon the entire time, but eventually I felt bad cause Chels couldn't join in so we bid ado and met up with Kyle to watch some Avatar. Eventually Chels and Caitlyn had to leave and go do something before the carnival that was to come, so me and Kyle chilled there for a bit before meeting up with them. Before the carnival there was, what I described as, a pep rally. We heard some people speak and I felt REALLY out of place, but eventually we went to the carnival and played, in this order, Human Pacman, Football, ate some foods, Musical Chairs and then watched fireworks. After that we headed back to Kyle's dorm and finished off Avatar and headed back to bed.

Chelsea had to wake up at like, 10:00, and wouldnt be back till about 5:00 to do some team developing thing, which made me feel bad for keeping her up. We woke up, ate, then decided to start getting me ready to leave. Except, the website we used to find my bus/train/bus was down, so we were going to have to wing it. We got semi lost in dallas and chelsea was freaking out, so we called her dad but then we just said screw it and decided to try again the next day in the morning. We found a bus that left at 2:45 monday, and woke up at 11 to get me ready. After that, my 'adventure' began.

I got lost in Dallas. YAAAAAY!

I got off 4 stops before I was supposed to, but I didn't know that at the time. The train station was supposed to take me to the bus station so i could get home, which is simple enough, but I didn't know which train stop to get off at. I got off at one that SOUNDED right, and walked around town for a good hour before stopping and asking for help. I looked silly with my pillow in hand. I got back on the train and went down for a good while before getting off. I was, once again, short of my stop, but learned I was only one stop away, but with only an hour and 30min left to get there. My ticket had run out of time, so I had to buy a new one, and while that was happening, a train came and went. Great. So, finally a new train came around and brought me to the actual train station, with only 45 min left to get to my bus. But, once again, I was lost and had NO clue where to go. Chelsea was freaking out cause she didn't want me to miss my bus again, and right when I was about to give up and ask someone, I turned a corner and saw the greyhound building. SUCCESS! So, as I walked the final stretch of my quest, something weird happened. You know those guys that make you answer a riddle before you can pass? I kind of got one of those. He said, 'let me ask you this. What is the secret to your success?'. I looked at him. I looked at myself and the stuff I carried. And then I looked back at him and said "I don't have any success". I then gave him a sob story of why I couldn't give him money, because I didn't know if I had any left to get home (lie). He said sorry, and I felt like I answered that riddle quite well, bought my bus ticket and left for home.

Oh, and I fucked alot!

..... hello?

I want to say I feel bad for not having blogged in so long, but I don't. As it stands, the only one whos asked me why I dont blogg is kyle, but thats cause he'll find any reason to bitch.

No, the real reason I haven't blogged is because, I just really havent had time. When school let out and I started waking up early, I found that my days were ENDLESS! Wake up, play WoW, hang out with friends, come home play games, go get food, then sleep. But around the time I A) got a job and B) started going out with chels, my days have been not so endless. At that point it was wake up, go see chelsea, go to work, sleep. Don't get me wrong, this was awesome and I enjoyed every minute of it (minus the work part), but because of it I barely saw any of my friends. I havent seen Lisa in forever, and i'm sure John thinks I'm dead or something, that jizabell fuck.

Last night, me and chelsea tried out webcam. It was cool, and I was pretty happy to see her face again, but the distinct lack of hugs made it feel..... I don't know. It wasnt the same. Next week, if all goes well, I make the drive up to Dallas to see her and spend the weekend with her. The getting there part I'm fine with, even the going over there part is ok to me. But it's the coming back. I never pay attention when I'm coming BACK from somewhere, and while I know how to get to Dallas just fine, I'm not sure how to get back. Also, I know the pain and heartache of having to go back will make the drive even harder. Which I'm not looking forward to.

I havent felt much like a 'gamer' lately. I'm starting to feel more and more like a person that just really likes video games, and that is something that is a huge bother to me. Everything I play it's because my friends play it. So, I'm not actually choosing what I play. I just choose it because I know I'll get to hang out with friends more or be less left out. Oh well

While I haven't actually wrote anything in awhile, thanks to the complete and utter boredom I get at work, I have wrote new stories, but once again, nothing has gone from pen to paper, which is discouraging. Alot of what I've done lately is discouraging. I feel like it's now or never in my life. I either do something now, get stuff done, or forever be stuck with a job I don't like in a place I hate. I'm hoping for a hurricane to come, because then it's an excuse to move somewhere else and start at a new school. It also gives me an excuse to not live at home. A hurricane right now would be a blessing, strangely enough. At this point, I don't care too much about anything I have. I just need my car and some gas in it, and I'll be set.

My parents aren't talking to each other again. I'm really afraid I'm going to come home one day and one of them just wont. But maybe it's for the better. If neither of them are happy in their relationship, maybe it should end. I don't know. Me and chelsea never argued. That's semi a lie. We would argue about whats better, cupcakes or just cake. We argued about who got to drive, though that eventually just led to me driving because I like driving. We argued over what kind of cat we would get, and eventually settled on "fluffy". We also argued on whether or not she was going to pay for me for food, because I really hate it when she does that, but one hug or a kiss on the cheek always ended the argument, as I was rendered helpless with hearts flying all around me.

See a trend here? I've never been mad at her for anything, never felt like I didn't want to be with her anymore, never been emberassed by her. I'm almost sorry that most of this blog ended up being about her, but considering that for the last 2 months she has been pretty much what I wake up to go do, I don't care. If this blog really is supposed to be about my life, then I'm surprised two whole entries weren't already about her. I know its mushy and shit, but fuck..... I really miss her.

Let's try and change the subject.

This is actually kind of difficult.....

Still trying.....

School. I haven't given it much thought. I still have a bit to do and not much time to do it in. That's bad. Secretly, I'm really worried I might not go this semester. But to be 100% totally honest, I'm not worried that I wont get to go. I'm worried that I wont get to go and then I have to hear my parents bitch about it. Now don't get me wrong, I do want to go and start this long ass process of going to various classes and puzzling them together to prove that I'm somehow cut out for some job. I wish even more that it wouldn't take 4+ years to finally be making the kind of money that I deserve. And believe me, I do deserve that money.

I'm probably going to quit krogers soon. I don't enjoy working there at all. My favorite part is, ironically, the part everyone else seems to hate. But its because I don't have to deal with people. One of my (5) managers seems to think otherwise, because he wont let me have headphones in. I hate him. Hes fat. His name is Mr Garcia. The other one is Mr Jim. He essentially reminds me of my ROTC instructor from junior year. I hated that guy, and I hate this guy. The other one is Ms Judy. Shes cool. Sort of. She just follows the rules, but not tongue and cheek like those other two. But shes nice. Shes probably the only reason I still have a job right now. The other two managers I don't know the names of, and don't plan on making a point to do so.

Oh right, back to the me quitting krogers. As nice as Ms Judy is, I wish she had let me get fired. I'm applying for Office Depot, something I think will be a more pleasent experience, if only for the fact that less people go there then krogers. But I don't know if they'll hire me, simply for the fact that I haven't worked at kroger that long, and if kroger gives me a bad name (which they will) my chances of getting that job decrease significantly.

I really enjoy MVC2. But I'm not good at it. I'm stuck at that level of being better then people who just started or play casually, but not good enough to beat people who are actually good. I'm barely over that line in SF4, but every now and then even that proves false.

I've just learned something humorous to me. My brother has been set up on a blind date at Starbucks. Lets go through a few things, huh?

Today i've come to the realization that my brother is more immature then me. And I wholeheartedly blame WoW for that. WoW seems to lagg behind the internet in funniness by 3 years, because he's saying things that I typed back in the day. This is a problem.

Next realization. Who the fuck goes on a date at starbucks. If she chose the place, I'm sorry to say my brother may not do so well. I know the kinds of people that go to starbucks, and they aren't my brother's type. Needless to say, this will be interesting.

Final realization. After 21, how do you tell a girl you live with your parents? It was pretty easy for me to tell my gf I live with my parents, cause, you know, she still lived with hers. But him? I'm not sure what will be better, if she lives with her parents, or if she lives by herself. Either way.....

Ugh. I've done alot of typing. And since everyone else did their art of kyle, heres mine.

Locking my doors.

Gotta make this quick, work in 30min.

So, I get to Target with one goal in mind. Get pizza. I buy said pizza, and as I'm walking out the door, I drop my keys. I have 2 pizzas in my hand and a cup, so its a bitch to pick up. A short girl, looks 16, notices I'm having trouble and asks if I need help. I saw her earlier, she was outside when I was walking in. Meaning, she was coming in and leaving as fast as I would. And she didn't buy anything.

I make my thank yous and start walking away, when she asks me if she can ask me a question. Which is already a question, but what ever. She asks me my age, and is surprised when I say 18. I try to keep it at that when she asks if she can say one more thing. She says shes out of town and want to know where she can go to do stuffs. I tell her, kemah, galveston or go deeper into webster. Conversation over, I'm leaving

NOPE, she wants to know IF I CAN GIVE HER A RIDE! I tell her sorry, I have work and she asks where I work. I say Kroger, she asks where that is. I give her a very very vague direction, and she asks if she can go with me. I'm scared now.

I say sorry, I have to go home first and that my mom would not be pleased if I brought a stranger and she says "Oh.... ok.... Sorry for the questions."

I walk away as fast as I can with out it be noticeable, and lock my doors as fast as I can. And now I'm home, scared to get dressed for fear shes right outside looking at me....

Sausage Bisctuits!

Today, I woke up to find an annoyance. My mother took the power cords to the modem and router.

Well FUCK!

I know why she did it. Because I didn't clean my room. What am I, five? What's funny is, I did clean my room. Just not to her standards. I'm convinced that, she doesn't want me to clean my room, what she really wants is for me to get a 1,000 dollars, then buy new furniture and decorations and make my room nice and purdy. She just doesn't realize it. So I've stopped attempting to clean my room for her. If I see theirs food or trash, I'll throw it away. But if my clothes are on the ground, they'll get up when it comes time to wash. The cords will go away when I need to use them and the hangars will hang when my clothes get washed.

Anyways, the reason I'm able to talk right now is A) Skipping the rest of the story that is my day and B) My brother was looking for a power plug to fit the Modem and router, and found one for the modem. But not the router. Which means I have internet, he doesn't. HILLARIOUS!

ok wait, I have to stop what I'm saying to say this. Something disgusting just happened to me. I had food in my mouth and was going to wash it down with some good ol' lemonade, when the food fell into the straw and came right back up. The feeling was.... disgusting.

OK THEN, so after I saw no internets, I decided to.... stay in bed. Then I saw my DS. With Harvest moon in it. There goes any and all productivity for the day.

So, I stayed in bed from 1:00-4:00 playing Harvest Moon and texting Chelsea. For the record, I now have a chicken (that almost died) a baby chicken, 4 rows of potatoes that already ripened and got sold, 2 rows of cucumbers that have ripened twice each, going on third, and I'm about to buy a cow.

I hate myself.

After chelsea said we might be able to do something, I decided to get up. Mainly for the fact that, my brother had my car and I enjoy that car. So I get up, go switch cars, only to find out I have 2 hours till I can see her. No big deal. Just going to play Street Figh- OH RIGHT, NO INTERNET. Oh well. We'll make due. So, I got some new colors today.

I head on over there and meet her cousins once more, who are nice folk. But not folk, cause they're people. I think. I'm going to stop this before it gets out of hand.

We watched 2 and a half movies. I say a half because, Knowing fucked up halfway through. There was a huge chip on the disk. The other two movies were Push (which was actually really good, but apparently I was the only one who had enough inference power to know what was going on) and Ghost something or other. I don't know, it was a comedy and had a british guy. It was pretty good. But once again, I was the only one who knew what was going on.

After that I came home, to learn of my brother's mini adventure. Then I got food. Now I'm typing. I feel like typing more, so here's some things that have been on my mind.

I really want chinese food. I don't care if its bad or good, I just WANT it. NOM NOM NOM.

I'm really happy right now, where I'm at. But that frightens me. Every time I finally get happy, finally get set and in a good position, life comes and fucks it all up. I feel like when I wake up, something is going to come along and ruin everything, like it does every time. But every other time, theirs always been something that could do that. And while their is something that can do it this time, I don't see it happening. But theirs still that..... doubt. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, or stupid. I just don't want this feeling to end....

All the cool kids are doing it.

Taylor talked about how he blogged today, and I felt guilty. Like, I should blogg more. Or at all. So, here we go.

Today, I woke up with what was the worst pain I have ever felt in my stomach. So, I did what any normal person would do if their stomach hurt. I went to take a poop.

That didnt work.

Ok, so from that point I just sort of lied there, in the most akward position imaginable for the pure and simple reason that, my stomach didn't hurt when I lied like that. I did this for a good 4 hours. Eventually, I manned up enough to go get some tums (or off brand tums) and decided I wanted to go play WoW. So, I did. With the pain there, but slowly getting better as I farted and burped all the pain away. Then I got hungry, and decided to eat the left over pizza.

Bad idea. The pain came back as strong as ever. Copy paste what I did the first time around, but lessen the time, and thats what happened. I finally decided "Fuck this" and went to my brothers room to play L4D. I did that for a good hour, and when I was done, realized the pain was gone. It was also 4:00, which meant I had TAG in 2 hours, and no car. So, I drove my mom's truck to give him that so I could have my car (and by god, do I hate my mother's truck) and arrived. The meeting was on par with all the others, but I feel like we all are drifting apart, and TAG is the only real thing keeping me in touch with Lisa. Taylor I atleast hang out with every now and then. But I haven't seen Jason in awhile. I dont know, maybe its just me.

Last week was one of the best weeks I've had in awhile. TAG was awesome, monday I got real close to an old friend (Her name's Chelsea by the way)and thursday we ended up together, which was unexpected and awesome at the same time. Friday I saw Transformers 2 with her. Wednsday I went in for my interview (and got the job) and then went to see Chelsea at work. Thursday I spent the entire day playing WoW, something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I know theirs more, but just so much happened, I don't remember it all. Heck, I'm not even 100% sure that the days I've listed correspond properly with what actually happened. I don't remember if I hung out with taylor/kris/john last week, or the week before. Was it last week we stayed up and played Starcraft? I think so.....

Tomorrow I have to go to bed at the times normal people do, so I can drive to Pearland at 9AM in the morning and do my orientation. The lady wants me to do it down there because I'm one of the few new employees that wont be working at one of those stores, so I get to make the long drive. Poop.

Well, I'm gonna go to Whataburger now, as it's past 11:00, and they're serving breakfast. Mmmmmmm Sausage Biscuits.....

Lets try this.

The airplane's hum heard in the background, they just sat there, staring at each other. The other people didn't even notice them, probably because they couldn't even hear or see them. They were in between this world and the next. And if need be, they would spring into action.

"Ok, so explain to me again, who are you, and what do you do?"

The other sighed "I'm a soul reaper, we guide the dead to the other world. Anytime theirs a possible risk for people to die, we're there. So every flight, every car, every thing that has a danger, we're ready. Most houses have atleast two of us."

"This sounds like Bleach"
"It's not Bleach. You've fought demons before, and you know they're nothing like in Bleach"

"They eat souls like in Bleach."
"And they turn them. You're an Agent, you know how it works."
"Ok, fine. Then what do you do when you're attacked by a demon?"
"Same thing you do. Kill it."
He directs the first's attention towards his swords, both of them only have an edge on one side, and on the other, where the blade becomes the hilt, turns another hilt 90 degrees from the normal one. An interesting weapon, if he didn't already wield his that way.

"Right. Then why does the Agency never talk about you guys, if we obviously have the same goal?"
"Well, we don't have the same goal. You protect the living and I protect, and guide, the dead."

"But we have the same goal, protect the people. I don't understand why we couldn't work together."
"You really don't know, do you? The Agency was once apart of us."
"Once apart of the 'Soul Society?'" He snickerd.

A flash of white came, and within moments, both had drawn their weapons, letting the blade rest on their forearm and struggling with each other. The Soul Reaper had gained beautiful white wings and was using them to push himself further then his normal body could. The people in their cabins had noticed the flash and felt the shock, but other then that, they were oblvious to the 'battle' going on behind them.

"You just don't get it. This isn't a joke. If we wanted to, we could leave your soul here, in this multi-plane, and let you fend for yourself from all the horrors the demon have to offer. You won't have fully grown into your spiritual energy in this realm, and your weapons will be inaccesable to you. You'll be worthless, a free soul to even the weakest of monsters."

They lower their weapons and sit back down.

The Agent sat back in his seat, letting himself get comfortable again. "Then let history lesson begin. What sepperated the two? And why has the Agency never mentioned the Soul Reapers before?"

"Because" the angelic figure began "there was a civil war for hundreds of years that's purpose was only that of pride. It's why Agents can be mortals and Reapers cant. It's why the Agency bars weapon use." He took a deep breathe. "And it's why us Reapers are dying off. The living with spirtual potential once became Reapers. But now they're becoming Agents, and not wanting to do the same job in the afterlife."

The Soul Reaper looked at the floor, contemplating what to say next. He had done this job since he died in the 1920's. It was getting old, but he was still young, spiritually whise. "Maybe the fact that you're here is a good thing. Maybe you can start recruiting Soul Reapers for me. I just need one good word in the Agency."

The agent stood up. "I'm just here to protect the girl. Let me do my job and we can both pray that you wont have to do yours."

The soul reaper smiled. "Pray? I've got a direct line to heaven right now.It wont do us any good. You and I are who they send when people have a prayer."

"If this whole thing goes over well, and you teach me a bit more about what you know, I'll see what I can do. Deal?"

"Deal."

I had a random rap attack

This was alot longer and kept going through my head, so I started typing when I got to the computer. Here it is.

My mind is racing and I'm just trying to get a grip,

everything is moving, I feel like I'm starting to slip

I've got so many thoughts and none of them are sounded funny

Everyone's staring, "just look at him honey 

Isnt he silly hes just trying to get by

and yet there he is, looking like hes about to cry"

I am just so high

but it aint off of no damn drug

its this stupid life, it is starting to be no much fun

I wanna just start to run,

but I can't go anywhere

Leave tonight and keep going

packen extra underwear

Gonna go and when I get there

figure out where I am at

and see if anyone really cares

See if I'm attacked

See if anyone notices

I notice that I'm not too far

still in my car

I've only gotten to the park.

But thats a start

maybe next time I'll get a little further

I gotta calm down before somebody gets hurt.

I have alot more to say, so I'm just going to continue. Today, I learned they're going to have to put me on the minimun plan so I can graduate. This was a huge blow to my ego, though it didn't hit me till a bit later. Everyone came over and we had a great time, but for some reason theirs two other things on my mind that I just really need someone to talk to about and yet I can't. I don't know why. It's not out of shame nor spight, just bad circumstances. And I hate it.

One of them has been eating at me for only part of the day, and even though it's not so much a big deal, it's destroying me. Its going to be the end of me, and I want it to stop. I want everything to stop, just for me. Like I'm important enough to make everyone give up what they're doing and pay attention to the poor kid who can't make up his mind on how he wants to live his life.

The other has just had me in shock since the weekend, I don't know what to do. Its caused me so much.... almost shame, but not really. Like its a reality check that, everything I know isn't always going to be there. The fact that the Tulleys came over (the ones who introduced me to Audrey) and stayed the weekend did not help to curb these thoughts. I tried to drown them out so hard I did nothing but play SF4 all day. Normally this is normal, but I just sort of lost it. I only realized later just what I had been doing. I feel like, once again, I'm trying to force myself to have problems. In one of the Thursday novels, the minor characters always feel happy, and the only way they get another feeling is by kidnapping bystandards to marry them and kill them, so that they can feel happiness then sadness, respectively. I feel like thats me on a lesser scale.

This is the first year since 8th grade I havent dealt with a breakup right before summer. I like that, and yet, I have that exact same feeling I've had the bast 5 years. A huge loss. I hate this feeling. It's the reason I hate summer. It's the reason I give up a good 45+$ every year towards Blizzard to lose myself. It's the reason I get paler around summer rather then tanner. Its the reason for alot of other things, and it should be gone right now, but its not. I have good friends who actually care about me, a good life with a good future and a home that people around the world would, quite literally, kill for. But this feeling just irks me.... it may be whats causing this mental breakdown.

I feel mentally unstable. Maybe it's the 3 energy drinks I've drank today (not to mention the coffee I drank) making my insides and brain squirm, but I've been ready to blow all day. Today when I was driving with Kyle and Grace, I had to try so hard not to blare the horn and yell my lungs out that I got dizzy. I didn't tell either of them that. Probably for the better. I don't want highschool to end. Kyle will be gone. There goes a good amount of my entertainment. Taylor will have a job. As much as I love my friends, I can't wait till I stay with my aunt for 2 weeks. I mean no offense towards anyone, but I'm a bit ready for change. This is a huge deal for someone who didn't want to move from their old house because he had alot of memories there. I need change. 

Onto friends. I'm going to miss you guys. This was a fun year, if only for them. I cant imagine being one of those kids walking around during lunch of school functions, looking for someone who might tollerate their presence. I can't imagine going through Senior year with out any friends. It seems like such a waste. I know they say these are your golden years, but I'm going to prove them wrong. 10 years for now, I hope to be atleast somewhat succesful. I'd like to atleast fly in my friends once a year for a good week bash or something. I know I've said that I keep having dreams about my future, and that seems to be one of them. All of us in a penthouse just blaring the radio, playing games, talking, what we do now but more luxorious. And even a few inclusions. More people as crazy as us.

I keep thinking about my kids. I don't know why. It's always been a fascinating thought for me. What will they be like? In one of my stories, I tried to match as much of it with my life as I could while keeping it in bounds. One of the things I put in, though, was a boy and a two year younger and or twin girl. And that's something I've had in my mind for years, though I'm not sure why. The boy seems to just be what I am to my mother, but to me. And alot more bad ass. The girl seems to be like..... well, lets just say shes strong headed, but still acts a girl. I could tell you stories of things that they do both together and on their own. And then I realize, these are my future kid's lifes I'm planning out. Maybe I should just make this it's own story, and yet it seems like it would go nowhere. Just like life.

My writing has been..... weird, lately. This is the most I've written in awhile. I still make my stories, like I've done for the past 5 years, but the fact that I'm too lazy to write it all out kind of annoys me. I keep telling myself it'll get better once school ends. Maybe it will. I hope so. I want to, by the end of the year, atleast have attempted to publish something. Anything. So wish me luck.

I think I'm done ranting. I'm trying to think of what else to talk about, but I think I've hit everything. This is mainly for myself then anything else. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I'm tired.....

Dissapointment and expectations.

So today, I did not get my license, but hopefully tomorrow will be the day. I'm wondering if I'll even get it before my birthday. I needed it to pick up Jon and Jannie so we could bake our cake. So while I was stressing, trying to figure out how not to get a zero on an easy test grade, it all eventually fell in to place and we got it done (but not before my dad decided to mess with me and tell me he ate the cake)

Afterwards, I cleaned up and got ready for bed. But something happened today as I took my shower. My parents were talking. Not about my grades, not about me at all actually. Not even about work or anything closely related to finances. This is something I have hardly ever seen happen between my parents. Usually its always 'official' talk. But today, they talked about my dad's racketball tournament, about my family, about my mom's work. They just exchanged stories and laughs.

Now, while to some that may seem normal, my parents either always talk about me, or fight, or both. Not fun. I've had an ungoing thought that after I turned 18, my parents would split. Not a great thought to think that you are the timer on whats left of your parent's love. But there they were. Probably for the first time since I was either a baby, or before I was born.

Hugs own

I think this is a universal feeling.

Sadness

I've noticed recently, I haven't been really sad in a long time. I'll get small bouts of feeling down, or even not myself, but never really sad. Not like "my life sucks" kind of sad. I've almost gone a year with out that. And while I would love to say how great that is, my impulse to complain just started kicking in. And I'm dying for a good cry right now.

You can call my gay for that last sentence. Call me anything you like. I wont say "I don't care", but it sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to change it, or the way I'm thinking. I'm still dying for a good cry.

I think I've so highly absolved my life as the biggest drama to reach earth, that not having any in awhile is a mind fuck. For awhile, I've had this delusion of grandeur that every part of me is interesting, just nobody notices it. When in actually it probably is the exact opposite, and with no relationship problems to back up said claims, my mind is has to reach the very real conclusion that my life is boring. But I don't think I'm the only one. I've talked about this with another on multiple occasions(you know who you are ;]) and everyone seems to have their own oppinions that everything in their life is 'just so complicated'. (That last implication was part of my attempt to not name names.) Everyone likes to think that their problems are much bigger then everyone else's. And I'm probably one of the biggest victims of that.

So now, here I am, realtionship problem free, attempting to make myself HAVE relationship problems on a daily basis (though I keep it hidden, ironically. What am I playing at?!) complaining that I'm not sad. What is wrong with me?!

Now I'm ranting. And now I'm complaining about ranting. I sure do love to bitch and moan..... ok, this is off topic. So new topic time.


Today, I learned the hard way (again) that I may just be lactose intollerent. Drank two glasses of milk. And now the rest of my day has sucked. Sort of. I don't want to say it sucked, because it was actually awesome. Got the next Thursday Next book, so thats always an up. And our food is restocked. Awesome. But the constant.... 'gas expulsion' and the destroying of a poor public bathroom was not exactly part of the highlights.

I had more to talk about, but I don't want to, so NYAH!

Goodnight!

Fucken' short term memory....

I just wrote (and sang) these songs about 20min ago, but now reading them, I can't remember how I sang them.... so now they're just words..... /cry

Edit: The first one is a generic sappy love song. The second, my mind sort of bled out onto the paper. You can make fun of me now.


And Yet!
Here and now that I know that I wanna be free from you(ooouuu)
Yet the thought of you gone, I just can not let it be true(uuueee)

And yet, I dont know how to tell you this,
when I'm with you, I am in eternal bliss....

AND YET!
Here I am.... ranting about my problems (AND YET!)
Here I am... writing another sonnet.
For you!


Vacation Fall
Words flowing as if they were destiny
but I don't know how to stop them flowing, so well
I can't seem to get this right
but I'll keep on thinking, I'll keep on writing

My procastinations amazing(iiiing)
My laziness exceeds ALL i expect.
I don't understand why I'm not getting work do(ooo)ne
I don't understand why I have to have fun

And we are coming to a close. Right?

So here we are, on the last day. I purposely took yesterday off. Kind of wanted this one to be memorable. But it will be, if only for the reasoning that it wont be what I want it to be.
I had planned on making this last and final post alot more exciting, alot more revealing, and, well..... that last part I can't say. Because theirs alot that I wanted to happen between then and now, and none of it seems to have. Which is dissapointing, to say the least.

I'll continue to write here, but I think I'm going to take a week off. And I wont pull a 'webcomic artist' and only update when I feel like it. I'm taking a week off, then back to the daily updates. More for my benefit then anyone else's. They say it's healthy to keep a diary, and well, here's mine.

Dear Diary.

Today's mood: Retrospective.

So..... ok, fuck that lay out.

I'd rather not get made fun of for having one time calling this my 'diary', because diarys are mostly about talking about your day and how it made you feel. Which I try and stay away from for the most part. Even though I do it every fucken' time.... *sigh* I think my point there was, we've all used this as a 'diary' for the last 30 days, so yeah.... don't know where I'm going with this

*twiddles thumbs*

oh right, no one cares.

I've been kind of harsh on people recently. I've mentally retreated myself, and lashed out at select few. That's unhealthy. And being an asshole. This whole 'be a better person' thing I set out to do in february is turning out to be alot harder then I thought. Sure, forgive everyone that wronged you was easy, but continuing to have a friendship with them was not. Also, being nice to everybody has to literally mean EVERYONE. Also, my faith has seemed to DIE more then it has gained, which I find incredibly depressing. And that was my main drive. Was to be a better person and hopefully, gain a stronger (if existant) faith again. But that hasn't gone over too well.

Goodbye, old friend....

Finishing a book is alot like losing a good friend or two. When it's all said and done, these characters (or character) that you have spent so much time and effort getting to know, they just vanish. Sure, you may know a little of what happens to them afterward, but it's alot like a friend calling you up 10 years after you graduate and telling you they're married, they have kids and that they're happy. Sure, thats great to know, but you want to have been there. They were a part of your life, and now they're a part of your memory. It's sad, really.

I think a good way to end a story is to completely leave the 'real ending' up to the reader. That way they can continue their adventures in their minds, and either give the ending they want, or continue the story for years to come. That sounds awesome....

Today was.... an adventure. To say the least.

I've noticed a trend in that, I try to stay as much out of the real world as possible, and as much in fantasy and made up stories. I know who I am, and I can define what's real and what's not, but what is real is just so boring to me. I love being lost in a book, emersed in a song, captivated by a game. It's so much better, yet I know its not healthy. I'm no better with books and music now then I was with World of Warcraft freshman year. In the real world, I've tried (and done a good job, in my opinion) of being less offensive to people, trying less and less of being a hassle and more and more of being compliant. The only person that I seem to still lash out at is Kris, but I'll try and improve there.

Nope

Just posting to get a post in. Too much to talk about, none of it I wanna type.

Chia-like, I shall grow...

I fucken' love complaining. I really do. It's so much easier to say "this this and that sucks" rather then going out and fixing it. It's more fulfilling to say what you hate rather then what you love. And I don't know about you, but I'm an 'easy way out' kinda guy. With that said, I think today I'm going to make a list of the things I love (people excluded.)While I know this is setting myself up for white a bit of flamebait, I inquire anyone else who has a blog to list the things that they enjoy in life. It can be relaxing....

• Hugs. Theirs just something so satisfying about knowing that this person is close enough to you to let you into their personal bubble.
  
• Kittens. They're balls of fluff.
  
• The internet. What else allows you to talk about meaningless shit with random people? Lunch time? Maybe.... maybe it's the disconnected ness that makes it fun. *shrug*
• Webcomics. It's like reading someone's random thoughts, and comparing them with yours. I don't know about you, but my random thoughts are story mode.
  
• Winter. When else can you wrap yourself in endless amounts of assorted cloths (and clothes) and not get hot and sweaty? Also, because of the cold, you have a never ending reason to stay inside. Which brings me to...
• Inside. I loathe outdoors. Atleast, during the day. So maybe i just hate the sun, as Sunset is my favorite time of the day.
  
• Sunset. Aside from telling you 'hey, night times coming, get everything ready for awesomness', its also very beautiful. Writers and artists alike have always been captivated by the thought of two lovers watching or being in sunset. Its incredibly romantic, watching day and night dance in the sky. I love it.
• Video games. Now, I could end this by saying "They're fun", but that would be cheating. I know everyone has their own reason for being a 'gamer', but I think mine is.... different. Then again, maybe not. This may sound silly or even stupid, but I view it as the last way of being a 'warrior'. Now, that doesn't mean I think I'm better then everyone else, I just think that by playing against someone else you are testing skill against skill, something that can no longer be done in hand to hand combat, lest you have cops on you or something. I find that, even if I lose, if both of us play with honor and respect for the game, it can be something of endless joy. Maybe I'm weird.
• Music. I could rant longer then I could about video games. Music is an entry into another world, much the same books are (which I'll talk about next). All music tells a story, and I think that's what classifies music away from noise. Of course music is noise, but noise isn't music. And I believe that's why. Music is a form of literature that combines great story telling with fantastic ear candy. One can lose them selves in it, either listening or creating it. It can be interpretted many ways, and can open up new emotions. It can convey a meaning or view point. It can do so many things. Whether you just have it as something in the background to fill in the gaps of conversation, or something to get people moving, or even letting your mind engage in a battle of wits against the writer, music is there to surround. I'm going to stop now, and move on to...
• Books. Oh how I've only recently rediscovered the magic that is books. I'm not sure what people's hatred for reading is. I've always assumed they don't read fast enough, and so blame letters and whatnot for it, but alot of times that isn't the case. Either way, the fact remains. Books will always be better then movie/television. When you watch either, everything is predetermined. You have no say in the matter. But in a book, when they give descriptions, it's up to your mind to interpret everything, your imagination takes hold of the world and creates it before your very eyes. Of course pre destined knowledge helps some, like with a cup or a window, but further description can free your mind from that and allow it to turn something ordinary into something grand.
  
• Sleep. Oh how I love sleep. I guess I just like to escape reality, because the last three things I have described have all been ways of escaping what is real and entering what isn't.
  
• Rain. I've been fascinated by rain since sophmore year. Back then it was sort of a calling to love, but now it's.... something else. Less of a nostalgia bringer, and more of an excuse to get stuff done. I know alot of people have to stop working when it rains, but that is when I start.
  
• Legos. Legos used to be my medium for story telling. I know we all played 'pretend' until we were in the 4th grade, but thanks to legos I continued it till about 7th. And everynow and then, I'm allowed to do it again. I feel like I'm not growing up.... I used to dream about buying alot of legos and having an entire room dedicated to legos when I grew up, and that is still very much a dream for me.
• Chairs. They make my butt comfortable. Nuff' said.
• The 1920s. It seems that, back then there wasn't enough time for imagination. Everything was set in stone that we wouldn't make much more. Kind of funny that it took war to change that thought. And yet, if we were to go back then now with the imagination we had today, what would we come up with? Some bad ass looken' shit. Which we now call steampunk.
• Caffine/sugar. Probably the only non medication 'drug' I will ever take, I just really love being able to stay awake. As much as I love sleep, I'd prefer to do it during the day, thus combining my love of the night with my love of sleep. I'm a nocturnal son of a bitch.

I think my list here is done. It's not really as big as I thought it would be, but oh well.