So here we are, on the last day. I purposely took yesterday off. Kind of wanted this one to be memorable. But it will be, if only for the reasoning that it wont be what I want it to be.
I had planned on making this last and final post alot more exciting, alot more revealing, and, well..... that last part I can't say. Because theirs alot that I wanted to happen between then and now, and none of it seems to have. Which is dissapointing, to say the least.
I'll continue to write here, but I think I'm going to take a week off. And I wont pull a 'webcomic artist' and only update when I feel like it. I'm taking a week off, then back to the daily updates. More for my benefit then anyone else's. They say it's healthy to keep a diary, and well, here's mine.
Dear Diary.
Today's mood: Retrospective.
So..... ok, fuck that lay out.
I'd rather not get made fun of for having one time calling this my 'diary', because diarys are mostly about talking about your day and how it made you feel. Which I try and stay away from for the most part. Even though I do it every fucken' time.... *sigh* I think my point there was, we've all used this as a 'diary' for the last 30 days, so yeah.... don't know where I'm going with this
*twiddles thumbs*
oh right, no one cares.
I've been kind of harsh on people recently. I've mentally retreated myself, and lashed out at select few. That's unhealthy. And being an asshole. This whole 'be a better person' thing I set out to do in february is turning out to be alot harder then I thought. Sure, forgive everyone that wronged you was easy, but continuing to have a friendship with them was not. Also, being nice to everybody has to literally mean EVERYONE. Also, my faith has seemed to DIE more then it has gained, which I find incredibly depressing. And that was my main drive. Was to be a better person and hopefully, gain a stronger (if existant) faith again. But that hasn't gone over too well.
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This isn't really healthy, keeping all that contempt inside. You really should go back to normal, it's causing you more distress than gain
ReplyDeleteSo, your last paragraph is pretty much word for word what I'm going through. It's difficult to be a nice person. It's easy to be a good person, it's how I was born. I can be nice to people when it's all casual. Even to Chatty Kathy. But, I'm having diffulty letting people accept who they want to be, even if that means something I hate.
ReplyDeleteGotta work on that. I don't know what you mean by "be a better person" that can mean alot of things. But, I wish you luck in your attempt to better yourself, I always encourage self gain.
Jason