Sunday, April 12, 2009

My life reads like the classifieds.

While we were driving around, I felt like being nostalgic. I put on some old songs from back in Sophmore year (does not feel that long ago. Maybe cause it isn't?) and just listened. Got hit with memories of my WoW raiding days (All the way to BWL in 3 months, lolwut?)when TBC came out, of when I met Audrey, of my stupid classes, of all those ROTC events I loved, the football games, of all that downtime at which I just imagined and invented my worlds (my first ever even thinking of writing), and aaaaaalllll those concerts. Fun times. Miss it. Then I decided to go a little further and listen to 'The Academy Is...'. I had forgotten why I liked that band so much. Then I remembered. They speak to me. There was one song I remember that Sean's senior friends really liked by them, and I thought it was 'meh'. Listening to it AS a senior, I see why. Here are the lyrics that stand out. (Song: Down and Out)

Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.
Weekend warriors, and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding about how
all good things must end.
Then again some things
Then again some things are far too good
Some things are far to good to go ahead and let go.
Always up or down, never down and out. 
You dream of demons while you sleep
that make you stutter when you speak.
We won't forget Tony or Johnny.
No matter how they miss us they still wish us
the best on the road.
Garrett took a plane to Paris, France.
Now he's cooking up entrees for the pretty, pretty French girls.
Bookends, Blue and Clarity, to The Wall and Grace.
Darkside, Wish and a toast to the late Figure 8.

Weekend warriors and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding, but
the good things will live in our hearts.



That, and I really think these lines describe me.(the song is called Classifieds)

My life reads like the classifieds.
Pages of what's for sale; whats on the auction block.
Attention bidders! Its lot 45.
He's got a decent voice, he's got that crooked smile.
Hold on, you havent heard the best yet.
He writes great storylines, he's got those honest eyes.
So take him home for just $9.95.
He'll sing the songs you like, he'll keep you warm at night.


*shrug* that probably sounds silly. Or dumb. I don't care. I've treated this thing more like a mental dump then I have a way to keep you people informed. And I'm not about to change that.

I slept most of the way home. So I'm not tired at all. I'm just here on my rocking chair, eating a salad, waiting for michelle to text back. As much as I hang out with friends, I've realized that I know nothing about them. I don't really keep secrets, and the ones I do aren't because I want to be secretive, but because either A) no one asks or B) no one really needs to know. Its not relevant to anything. But the only thing I know about most of the people I hang out with is that they A) Like to play video games B) they like food and C) they love to have random inside jokes. And while thats fine and makes for good company, it doesn't show for much. Those aren't the kind of people you look back on and say "Damn, those were some great friends, I'm going to miss them". Its no different from looking back on partying days, drinking and whatnot.

Out of everyone I hang out with in our 'group', Lisa is the one that I actually know the best. Which is weird considering that I havent talked to her since 8th grade before this year, yet I've talked to Taylor and Kyle since freshman year. Jason is also pretty open, but he jumbles it with his weird sense of humor. So I cant ever tell if hes being funny or serious, which isn't a good combo. Kyle stays as closed as a clam, never letting ANYONE (that I know of) into his own little world. Maybe hes a robot. *shrug* And Taylor, well hes already admitted to not being an open person, but sometimes I wonder how much of him is fake and when hes being his true self.

This wasn't supposed to be a "Lets ragg on all my friends" blogg. Maybe I'm expecting too much out of everyone. Maybe I myself am wondering about my identity. I've had these kinds of 'talks' with Lisa and Sarah before, but like I said, I dont like to keep secrets. And I guess with a writing outlet it makes these words easier to say. I've always been easier with words that are typed. I'm not expecting everyone to read this then go to school with a different mindset and tell me all their problems. I don't want that. Then again, I'm not sure what I want. But who does, right?

I hope Taylor is ok. But, in all honesty, I don't see why he wouldn't be. I just hope he took my advice. Nothing has to be awkward. I'm really more worried about Grace, in all honesty. Not because of emotional distraughtness at first, but because we're her last 'close' friends, and I don't want to see her lose that because everyone resents her because of what happened. Its not fair. But not much of life is. I just hope these two can set aside their differences and be friends. Like they were before. I just hope he learned one valuable lesson out of it all.

Peer pressure is a bitch.

I've ranted quite a bit. I've had alot on my mind while driving home. So I dumped it all here. Maybe someone will find it offensive. Good. You learn more from critisism then you do from a compliment. I don't care what people think of me. I've done things the way I want them done all year, why stop now? When they made fun of me for dressing nice, I persisted. When I was rediculed for reading a book that had a 'gay' cover, I persisted. When I'm not so good at a game, I persist. When I was rediculed for typing alot more then most others did in a blogg, and for not typing what they wanted me to, I persisted (fuck you, john). There are alot of things I cant control (yet), and alot of things I cant do (yet), but I do know this.

My father does not like it when I practise jumpstyle at 10:00 when hes trying to sleep.

I think I've done enough damage for the day. And I've done quite alot of damage.....

6 comments:

  1. I like to keep to myself, but I do reveal things at times, like you said. But, I do have to cover most things with jokes because well, that's what I am.

    A burning blanket. You can see through the holes, but it's not as good as it was before it caught fire. You realize all you see through the holes is a black world. You wish you hadn't set the fire, and yet there is no turning back.

    I hope that made sense. I'm a burning blanket.

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  2. Truth is always more interesting then fiction.

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  3. Then why do I always look for fiction books rather than non fiction? =p

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  4. this might have angered me a little, what is so damn important about knowing each other, that will come in time, and is quote for quote the reason she broke up with me...thanks.

    Also i see no need to bear my soul to anyone because this is HIGH SCHOOL! You act like your dying and you'll never get the chance to speak again, try to relax

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  5. We can't be sure of anything Taylor, I mean his cholesterol is pretty high...

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  6. I like how we hold conversations over his Balrags, it makes me feel important

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